inthequiet

2008-08-10T20:51:00.000-05:00

2008-04-29T09:03:00.003-05:00

Would love to have you join me here...... http://unforcedrthymsofgrace.blogspot.com/

1 Samuel 25 & 26; Psalm 63; Matthew 9

2008-04-22T08:28:00.003-05:00

You know I go through life praying for Him to make me different and then…well then I don’t particularly care for the different.

Matthew 9: 16"No one sews a patch of unshrunk cloth on an old garment, for the patch will pull away from the garment, making the tear worse. 17Neither do men pour new wine into old wineskins. If they do, the skins will burst, the wine will run out and the wineskins will be ruined. No, they pour new wine into new wineskins, and both are preserved."

Oh and go check Brant out today........He is...just go read it!!

As for me I'm done blogging......not sad about it or dramatic....just done. Get into Him...He's just what we need.

1 Samuel 24; 1 Chronicles 8; Psalm 57&58;Matt 8

2008-04-21T06:27:00.003-05:00

The whole of David calling Saul out, after forgoing the opportunity to end it by killing or capturing Saul, David pretty much calls him out and without a doubt lets Saul know he David follows and is obedient to God, while Saul is / has become an 'evildoer' and for some reason this time Saul listens....humility finally over shame? How soon will it turn again to shame? Does it have to?
Psalm 57, David wasn't afraid to Praise.
David counted on good vs. evil and good winning, is it THAT simple and if it was how would it change the way I live? David didn't live trying to save the world, he lived chasing after You. Didn't live trying to change Saul's mind~he in the running away from him found a deeper relationship with You??
Matthew 8: 22 (msg)Follow me. Pursue life.
Matthew 8:22 (niv) Follow me, and let the dead bury their own dead.
It's not about me changing anyone's mind - being so wrapped up in their growth ...it's not about my giving anything away...it's about being so hotly in pursuit of You that I don't worry about anything but being close to You....Piper's Christian Hedonism....

Here's to all of us living in that pursuit.

1 Samuel 20; 1 Samuel 21; Psalm 34; Matthew 5

2008-04-18T09:36:00.003-05:00

Chaos at work…..stitches….tonsillectomy /adenoidectomy /tubes ……medicine sucks…..hospitality….earthquake…anniversary….That’s a one word or close description of the last week. And IF it weren’t for knowing You I would make every bit of it about me and you know what…I still do and in spite of that You take it and make it something different………it’s seeing the pain physical/spiritual /emotional of ‘others’ and taking THAT to You in prayer rather than mucking things up by doing what I might want to do or think is best…..
The chaos at work SUCKS….and yet there are moments of knowing as I sit at my desk that I’m here for a reason (oops about me)….
My husband getting stitches and being this amazing trooper. I mean the man has part of his thumb hanging off (the meaty part of it no bone contact) and he’s laughing and being this amazing guy…I mean seriously he just is freakin amazing!!
Grandson, only an itty bitty 2 years old…ok physically he’s as big as a 4 year old but he’s only 2…….and he HATES his medicine. Poor daughter has an infant (whom at this point Gabe is not too fond of because he wants ALL Mama’s attention) and 3 times a day she has to figure out how ‘this time’ she’s gonna get him to take it!!
Had an event at church and team leader was gone so I had to step in and up to the plate and git’r done…we did. I LOVE the cooking part but really hate every other aspect of it. Hate the does everything look good before we eat part, just want to give someone the food and let them take it to that ‘place’…at that point I kinda wanna just visit with people….I get this TASK streak in me that just gets in the way of EVERYTHING……keep thinking ‘if I’m not doing it’ it won’t get done and I don’t believe that…. but in the moment of a task looming that’s all I can see…..it sucks and is not a good, I’m not good at seeing people I just know I WANT to..weird I know.
And then this morning…an earthquake in Missouri…..seriously seriously…no I’m asking ?? an earthquake in Missouri???
And 31 years with the amazing guy who had stitches…31 years the last 10-12 of which have been THE BEST..figuring out what having Christ at the center of a marriage is supposed to, could, should…heck just wanting to want that, has changed the way we relate to each other and while that was hard to get used to…..dang it’s been amazing..(note to self, using the word amazing too much today) He is not only drop dead handsome but this seeking heart of his is magnetic, seriously magnetic. Not that we both have it every day, not that either one of us ‘gets it’ totally…..not that we don’t get on each others nerves and ….and …and yet…..there is something new after 31 years that makes every morning reading and journaling with him and the evenings alone become absolutely……wait for it.....AMAZING.
Oh and the guy living with us…he got up with us this AM and the time we had was filled with affirming and confirming in all of us THAT yup, this time with YOU is amazing! No matter how it may be a particular morning, the cumulative time is is…..dang got nothing better than AMAZING…….
Oh...I get it now, I'm just blessed........

1 Samuel 17; Psalm 9; Matthew 2

2008-04-15T08:10:00.001-05:00

A seeking heart YOU never deny.

Psalm 9:9-10 9 The LORD is a refuge for the oppressed,

a stronghold in times of trouble.
10 Those who know your name will trust in you,

for you, LORD, have never forsaken those who seek you.

2008-04-14T08:53:00.002-05:00

Had a great weekend....AWAY...at the LAKE, which until my daughter pointed out she was going to the BEACH I was totally satisfied with!! Thanks Dara! I was though, totally and completely content no matter it was 30, spitting snow and the water looked muddy from all the rain......

It was a time of rekindling friendship and in that rekindling we talked about God which of course stokes my fire any time. We talked about relationships and where our story fits in how we relate. We talked about how everyone has a story. We talked about what it looks like to become curious about another person's story, trusting You with ours, how maybe that curiousity is born out of selfishness but how You change and use and guide us to new ways and better ways to relate. It was just a great weekend and I am so very grateful for that time with her and that You were right there with us, that we could see and know that.

It was a time of reading, relaxing and red wine and reading, reading, reading.....I started Mark Batterson's book, In a Pit with a Lion on a Snowy Day and it is really good. Alot of it challenging and in the same way affirming and confriming or is that the opposite way. It's just a book that speaks to me and I think alot of us. This quote is simply an example of it's content......take from it what you will and perhaps pick it up yourself, it's a good read.

When you get excited about God, don’t expect everybody to get excited about your excitement. Here’s why. When the Holy Spirit turns up the heat underneath you it disrupts the status quo. Some people will be inspired by what God is doing in your life. Others will be convicted. And they will mask their personal conviction by finding something to criticize. Nine times out of ten, criticism is a defense mechanism. We criticize in others what we don’t like about ourselves. (p159)

1 Samuel 11 &12 ; 1 Chronicles 1; 2 Corinthians 11

2008-04-11T08:54:00.002-05:00

In my work life I am surrounded right now by pain, not mine, others. I so desire to live as a light to those suffering. A light that shows them a way through their pain. I pray today to be so focused on You as to be that light.

1 Samuel 12: 20 "Do not be afraid," Samuel replied. "You have done all this evil; yet do not turn away from the LORD, but serve the LORD with all your heart. 21 Do not turn away after useless idols. They can do you no good, nor can they rescue you, because they are useless. 22 For the sake of his great name the LORD will not reject his people, because the LORD was pleased to make you his own. 23 As for me, far be it from me that I should sin against the LORD by failing to pray for you. And I will teach you the way that is good and right. 24 But be sure to fear the LORD and serve him faithfully with all your heart; consider what great things he has done for you. 25 Yet if you persist in doing evil, both you and your king will be swept away."

And there it is the comfort the hope of Your word. It’s like Piper says, the pursuit of You is not optional…… true joy and happiness come from that pursuit. In the midst of pain and turmoil the hope You and only YOU provide. It’s more than you can put into words and sometimes more than you can live and yet and yet…..it’s where I want to live and in that living maybe you become the light??

A song I heard this morning….these lyrics encourage me..
You draw me gently to my knees, and I am
Lost for words, so lost in love,
I'm sweetly broken, wholly surrendered

How do you live ‘sweetly broken, wholly surrendered’ without this time with You?

I can’t preach this I can only live it. And the sweetly broken when it become painful what then do I exhibit??
2 Corinthians 11: 3 But I am afraid that just as Eve was deceived by the serpent's cunning, your minds may somehow be led astray from your sincere and pure devotion to Christ. 4 For if someone comes to you and preaches a Jesus other than the Jesus we preached, or if you receive a different spirit from the one you received, or a different gospel from the one you accepted, you put up with it easily enough.

Here I am in the word struggling with freakin everything, what about those who don’t have the foggiest notion of a life in Christ? What does our battling each other/ourselves do for them? I don’t know if I like church or want to BE the church, I don’t know why there are so many ways to do church and yet I am drawn to the different ways…..drawn and repelled at the variety….what the hell is that about? My own lack of commitment…I am scared to do anything save for seek to follow and pursue You and in that pursuit what am I exhibiting?…I hope it’s a love that points to You and You alone. But I am really scared that all it does exhibit is a weak person. But maybe to be effective here at this office right now that weakness is where You will work…I hope so, Father I hope so.

1 Samuel 8 - 10; 2 Corinthians 10

2008-04-10T09:37:00.003-05:00

Bible is America’s Favorite Book ..???..Come on now, seriously if all who said it was their favorite book were reading it with a seeking heart.....wouldn't we look different?? I mean what would / could God do with the hearts on such a journey, at least that’s the way I see it. My heart is hard without You, without Your word, my heart is bound ….and…And that’s all I’m gonna say about that.

Reading for a group Desiring God by John Piper. It’s a heady read not something I would have maybe picked up and yet in the reading of this I am finding myself agitated and moved and even affirmed. Affirmed in that my love for scripture is real. This sentence alone says what I believe have believed these last (dan and I came to it’s been 8 years reading this plan! 8 years and I still get something most days, 8 years and I wake up excited to read. 8 years, I am blown away by the love and power and conviction and forgiveness I experience from time with You in Your word. As I write this there is no pride but an absolute stunning awareness of the power available to any and all who…with a seeking heart come.) Anyway the sentence stating much more succinctly what I have found ….The Word of God begets and sustains spiritual life because it begets and sustains faith…….Faith is born and sustained by the Word of God, and out of faith grows the flower of joy.

1 Samuel 10: 17 Samuel summoned the people of Israel to the LORD at Mizpah 18 and said to them, "This is what the LORD, the God of Israel, says: 'I brought Israel up out of Egypt, and I delivered you from the power of Egypt and all the kingdoms that oppressed you.' 19 But you have now rejected your God, who saves you out of all your calamities and distresses. And you have said, 'No, set a king over us.' So now present yourselves before the LORD by your tribes and clans."
How this attitude must have broken Your heart, people freed and choosing bondage….Dan and I again talking about that a lot lately and how very little different we are from them. Our bondage is a little less blatant maybe but every bit as binding.

2 Corinthians 10: 3-6 The world is unprincipled. It's dog-eat-dog out there! The world doesn't fight fair. But we don't live or fight our battles that way—never have and never will. The tools of our trade aren't for marketing or manipulation, but they are for demolishing that entire massively corrupt culture. We use our powerful God-tools for smashing warped philosophies, tearing down barriers erected against the truth of God, fitting every loose thought and emotion and impulse into the structure of life shaped by Christ. Our tools are ready at hand for clearing the ground of every obstruction and building lives of obedience into maturity.

More from Piper Chp. 5:
Paul puts it so plainly: "Whatever was written in former days was written for our instruction, that by the steadfastness and by the encouragement of the Scriptures we might have hope" (Romans 15 :4) . The whole Bible has this aim and this power: to create hope in the hearts of God's people. And when hope abounds, the heart is filled with joy.
To be so focused on You to create hope.......to be so focused on You my hope my joy leaks out....I don't know but I 'm gonna keep goin......

"We should live by faith, be known by love and become a voice of hope." E R McManus

1 Samuel 1 & 2; Psalm 66; 2 Corinthians 7

2008-04-07T09:24:00.004-05:00

The web is an amazing tool, the places you can visit, the opinions you can read, it truly is amazing. I find it mostly fascinating and yet there are those times when my objectivity is challenged or seems to be.
I am mostly random today and yet as usual I can see a thread of connection. I blog and read others blogs in a desire to connect, to deeply know others. I desire in the reading of others to BE provoked and agitated and in that not obsess , but to think deeply about whatever has been agitated within me. That's generally what happens when I read an opinion I may not share....I love reading the differences and I desire transformation and my passion to be....freed, to be ...I don't know.
I have to work a job, I would love to pursue my passion and yet at this time, this season of my life I have to work and what if my passion is growing in working?? Can we blend our passions with our jobs? Can it not be that jobs allow us to pursue our passions?
Another random thought...how often do we look at the words we write, the thoughts we express from any other place other than our right to express them? Do we need to? How easily influenced or agitated are we by others? Do we need to worry about how we agitate and influence others?

NIV 2 Corinthians 7: 8 Even if I caused you sorrow by my letter, I do not regret it. Though I did regret it—I see that my letter hurt you, but only for a little while— 9 yet now I am happy, not because you were made sorry, but because your sorrow led you to repentance. For you became sorrowful as God intended and so were not harmed in any way by us. 10 Godly sorrow brings repentance that leads to salvation and leaves no regret, but worldly sorrow brings death. 11 See what this godly sorrow has produced in you: what earnestness, what eagerness to clear yourselves, what indignation, what alarm, what longing, what concern, what readiness to see justice done. At every point you have proved yourselves to be innocent in this matter. 12 So even though I wrote to you, it was not on account of the one who did the wrong or of the injured party, but rather that before God you could see for yourselves how devoted to us you are.

MSG 2 Cor. 7:8 know I distressed you greatly with my letter. Although I felt awful at the time, I don't feel at all bad now that I see how it turned out. The letter upset you, but only for a while. Now I'm glad—not that you were upset, but that you were jarred into turning things around. You let the distress bring you to God, not drive you from him. The result was all gain, no loss.
10Distress that drives us to God does that. It turns us around. It gets us back in the way of salvation. We never regret that kind of pain. But those who let distress drive them away from God are full of regrets, end up on a deathbed of regrets.
11-13 And now, isn't it wonderful all the ways in which this distress has goaded you closer to God? You're more alive, more concerned, more sensitive, more reverent, more human, more passionate, more responsible. Looked at from any angle, you've come out of this with purity of heart. And that is what I was hoping for in the first place when I wrote the letter. My primary concern was not for the one who did the wrong or even the one wronged, but for you—that you would realize and act upon the deep, deep ties between us before God. That's what happened—and we felt just great.

Paul ‘agitated’ the Corinthians…..are we not called to agitate others? What truly IS agitation to another person? What happens to you when you are agitated? Are you easily agitated?
I pray to be easily agitated and not so easily aggravated. I pray to in the agitation go to YOU and more and more fall into Godly sorrow and not get stuck in the worldly kind.

Judges 19 -21; 2 Corinthians 4

2008-04-04T08:20:00.002-05:00

Tuesday, April 04, 2006
He calls us out of comfort into uncertainty. Faith is all about character, trusting in the character of God, being certain in who God is and following Him into the unknown. ....Chasing Daylight / ER McManus

And this morning 2 flippin years later moved by this:

Judges 21: 25 In those days Israel had no king; everyone did as he saw fit.
I have a KING and to live following Him.......
2 Corinthians 4: 16 Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. 17 For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. 18 So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.

Judges 17 & 18; Psalm 89; 2 Corinthians 3

2008-04-03T08:56:00.002-05:00

Finally shared with Dan a lot of my ‘feelings’, I KNOW that they in themselves are not worth anything but in the sharing they seem to dissipate, which is probably MORE of what I should get out of journaling. Will I always and forever BE about ME and the answer is a resounding YES but in the YES is YOU…..in the shame and embarrassment of the YES is YOU affirming that while THAT is who I am it is NOT where I will stay or..... is it more in the affirmation is without that recognition I wouldn’t seek YOU so I am the reason I NEED YOU….I don’t know but in the giving of this raggedy old self to YOU I find, I accept..receive the GRACE YOU so generously offer.

I have been wrestling with this quote….. It is the nature, and the advantage, of strong people that they can bring out the crucial questions and form a clear opinion about them. The weak always have to decide between alternatives that are not their own. -Dietrich Bonhoeffer

I am such a weak person, STUBBORN and willful but so weak. Looking for the approval of the ‘strong’…….FEELING very subject to the strong…….in my weakness YOU get stronger……not ME getting stronger but YOU, can I WANT that more than strength for myself??
2 Corinthians 3: 12-15 With that kind of hope to excite us, nothing holds us back. Unlike Moses, we have nothing to hide. Everything is out in the open with us. He wore a veil so the children of Israel wouldn't notice that the glory was fading away—and they didn't notice. They didn't notice it then and they don't notice it now, don't notice that there's nothing left behind that veil. Even today when the proclamations of that old, bankrupt government are read out, they can't see through it. Only Christ can get rid of the veil so they can see for themselves that there's nothing there.
16-18 Whenever, though, they turn to face God as Moses did, God removes the veil and there they are—face-to-face! They suddenly recognize that God is a living, personal presence, not a piece of chiseled stone. And when God is personally present, a living Spirit, that old, constricting legislation is recognized as obsolete. We're free of it! All of us! Nothing between us and God, our faces shining with the brightness of his face. And so we are transfigured much like the Messiah, our lives gradually becoming brighter and more beautiful as God enters our lives and we become like him.
Our lives becoming brighter and more beautiful…..I pray so. I am surrounded by those that need this freedom that I can’t figure out how to live in. I am surrounded by those who need to know a God of LOVE a God of consistent and unconditional love, a JUST God when everything around them seems unfair. A God who will love them in their mistakes and sin and yet call them to a life of fruitful abundance. The more I see my own inadequacies and stubbornness the more I KNOW the HOPE of Him who saves. To LIVE DRENCHED…THAT’S my prayer for us who know Him.

Judges 11 & 12; Psalm 50; 2 Corinthians 1

2008-04-01T08:55:00.002-05:00

Yeah, me too…daughter of the King….and one messed up female.

What a God you know to take us as we are and through the submitting of myself to the power of the Holy Spirit I won’t stay as I am?? Is that messed up theology??? I desire so much to be different, sometimes I think I desire THAT more than I desire Him, or is it just me desiring Him that much? I don’t know and if I don’t somehow remain in this not knowing I am afraid of going back to where I KNEW it all.

What you were feeling, what you were deciding, what you were thinking…….I had a big old dose of omniscience going for me or thought I did. And now I seem to live in this constant state of dependence and hope.
I write here because I so desire people to come alongside of me on the journey and yet I think I may write like I have stuff figured out or maybe I write like I am so lost. I know in my REAL life I am recognizing a tendency to isolate. I don’t know what to do with that because I kind of like it. For someone who lived in fear of being lonely, how now I crave being alone and mostly don’t feel like I’m lonely. Now there are times when loneliness comes but I think it’s in those times I am looking for people to be the ones who fill me and I know from experience, I know what to do to get them to fill it…but I took from them way more than I ever gave.

I don’t know just a lot rambling around in this mushy brain of mine and writing here lets me let it out.
Had breakfast with a gal that I think may have some of the same ‘stuff’, cool and yet absolutely frightening that I may want to be affirmed more than want to challenge and encourage her ….. She verbalizes well the ‘stuff’ that I internalize and won’t trust anyone with, any person with. So either You have this tremendous way of orchestrating our lives or I’m so flippin about me as to MAKE it appear that way….I want to believe it’s YOU and I want to follow You wherever it leads….
The story of Jephthah…makes me very sad this morning. Instead of following God he makes a vow that ‘if’ God allows him to succeed he will sacrifice the first thing that comes out of his house on his return…it’s his daughter! Just wanting what we want instead of trusting what and where God takes us…or at least this morning as I read that’s what it seems like. I want my success MORE than I want what He wants…..
2 Corinthians 1: 20 For no matter how many promises God has made, they are "Yes" in Christ. And so through him the "Amen" is spoken by us to the glory of God. 21 Now it is God who makes both us and you stand firm in Christ. He anointed us, 22 set his seal of ownership on us, and put his Spirit in our hearts as a deposit, guaranteeing what is to come.
Or…maybe I am coming to WANT to want what You want…..

2008-03-31T08:29:00.001-05:00

Who are you?

Judges 4 & 5; Psalm 39 & 41; 1 Corinthians 13

2008-03-28T08:47:00.001-05:00

1 Cor. 13: 4-7
Love never gives up.

Love cares more for others than for self.

Love doesn't want what it doesn't have.

Love doesn't strut,

Doesn't have a swelled head,

Doesn't force itself on others,

Isn't always "me first,"

Doesn't fly off the handle,

Doesn't keep score of the sins of others,

Doesn't revel when others grovel,

Takes pleasure in the flowering of truth,

Puts up with anything,

Trusts God always,

Always looks for the best,

Never looks back,

But keeps going to the end.

Judges 1 - 3; 1 Corinthians 12

2008-03-27T08:39:00.004-05:00

Running away or running to ……away or to and how do we realize which one we’re doing? YOU know already and we who are just so prone to running that we don’t take the time…don’t know how to figure out….there is much to this, in this for me and yet not only for me at 50 (ok 52) taking the time with You has become an answer, a way to slow down and allow You to take me where I need to go. How do you help another person find their way to You? Someone who knows You and then again those that are far from YOU.
A life of introspection in and of itself is not good without the Spirit we continue to move and do and operate out of what we think is right, best for us. The whole ‘heart is deceitful above all things’ for me comes into play and I NEED to know that the Holy Spirit is in there as well guiding me to truths I can’t see without Him. The stubborn part of me resists and yet the yielding that sometimes come in conviction deep and loving, keeps me hoping that YOU are taking me and any of us in YOU to Your purposes. Wow even writing this ‘feels’ weird BUT to not would be worse.

1st Corinthians 12: 4 There are different kinds of gifts, but the same Spirit. 5There are different kinds of service, but the same Lord. 6 There are different kinds of working, but the same God works all of them in all men. 7 Now to each one the manifestation of the Spirit is given for the common good. 8 To one there is given through the Spirit the message of wisdom, to another the message of knowledge by means of the same Spirit, 9 to another faith by the same Spirit, to another gifts of healing by that one Spirit, 10 to another miraculous powers, to another prophecy, to another distinguishing between spirits, to another speaking in different kinds of tongues, and to still another the interpretation of tongues. 11 All these are the work of one and the same Spirit, and he gives them to each one, just as he determines.

As I have been surfing this AM went to an old blog of mine and found this from a year ago:

Friday, March 30, 2007
Prayer – Communication with God People who love each other talk to each other. What they think and feel, they express. The deeper the intimacy, the deeper the communication. As believers, prayers is the language of our relationship with God. Because he is spirit, we do not always use words: thoughts, feelings- even groans are part of our interaction (Psalm 38:8-9; Romans 8:26)As we grow close to him, we also hear back from Him – authoritatively through scripture and personally through inner promptings and leadings. As we deepen our prayer life, the confidence, humility and love we find with God spills over into all of life….Bill Hybels

The use of scripture is transformational, not informational - as we come to know it more, we aren't satisfied until we come to know Him well. Bill Hybels

Joshua 23 & 24; Psalm 44; 1 Corinthians 11

2008-03-26T09:13:00.004-05:00

Someone once told me ‘you can’t give away what you don’t have’….I want to give away a desire for Him….I need an obedience I guess to live IN this life of RISK and submission. And it feels risky to submit…..there is much I think I want in life and yet there is nothing I HAVE that I would trade for what I want…so today to live in the surrender that is looking out for the good of others…oh yeah I’m that self involved to need to be reminded to think even think of others, let alone look out for their good, to serve them... and it’s risky to think that THAT’S wrong. So today to live in the humbleness that THAT kind of dependence brings…or is it living in dependence that THAT humility brings??
Living as a fish out of water is bound to be painful…..but I wouldn’t trade this pain and discomfort for anything, because it’s here that I FEEL YOU the most. I am tired though Father and will need you today to guide me strongly in caring more, looking more to their good than to my own……tired when your call is to be alert and prayerful and You will do what YOU will do…and I guess the truth of it is tired or not YOU WILL.

Joshua 24: 14 "Now fear the LORD and serve him with all faithfulness. Throw away the gods your forefathers worshiped beyond the River and in Egypt, and serve the LORD. 15 But if serving the LORD seems undesirable to you, then choose for yourselves this day whom you will serve, whether the gods your forefathers served beyond the River, or the gods of the Amorites, in whose land you are living. But as for me and my household, we will serve the LORD."

1 Corinthians 11: 17-19 Regarding this next item, I'm not at all pleased. I am getting the picture that when you meet together it brings out your worst side instead of your best! First, I get this report on your divisiveness, competing with and criticizing each other. I'm reluctant to believe it, but there it is. The best that can be said for it is that the testing process will bring truth into the open and confirm it.

Truth into the open and confirm it……to be tested and come out dependent on You is the best I can hope for….I want to WANT what You want MORE than anything, I pray to submit to that wanting…..I pray to become a woman after Your heart MORE than after atta boys and approval. I am tired remember and wanting what I want comes much more naturally…..praying to seek You and YOUR heart MORE than anything…..Your Grace, is better than life.

Joshua 21&22;Psalm 47;1 Corinthians 10

2008-03-25T14:18:00.002-05:00

I feel like a fish out of water, skin tight and unable to breathe when I am thinking more about me than others…..1 Corinthians 10: 24 Nobody should seek his own good, but the good of others….this is new too because I think about me a lot….
I think I live my life looking out for me when You call me to a life of RISK…
I feel like a fish out of water when I am wanting more than looking at what I have.
I feel like a fish out of water when I am looking more at where I’m at than where I’ve been and where You’d have me go, risking everything because people coming to know YOU is more important than anything.
I feel like a fish out of water when I am looking for love more than loving.
I feel like a fish out of water when I …
I I I I I …..it’s all about me and more and more when I feel like a fish out of water I don’t want to jump back in…even though the relief would be quick……but I know the urge to jump back out would hit or maybe IF I continue to jump back in my heart will harden and I will just contentedly swim around the bowl instead of living this life of day to day…moment by moment surrender.
I feel like a fish out of water when ….maybe I just am a fish out of water????

Joshua 3- 6; 1 Corinthians 4

2008-03-19T08:55:00.004-05:00

How can a sheep do anything but look to the shepherd?

And what if that is enough?

Woke up at 3:30 this morning with Karlee on my heart…..
worry about nothing and pray about everything, sometimes easier said than done and yet YOU say do it.
This passion I have for scripture…..what to do with it?

This passion I have for lost to be found…..a week of sensitivity. It is said that this is a week in the secular world where it can’t be denied or at least there is much pointing to You. I don’t know and my desire to BE SOMEONE probably gets in the way of following my shepherd.
So today to pray for others, all others. To read YOUR word and pray for a spiritual awakening and for those awakened to come into contact with followers of You filled with a love You provide.

1 Corinthians 4
1-4 Don't imagine us leaders to be something we aren't. We are servants of Christ, not his masters. We are guides into God's most sublime secrets, not security guards posted to protect them. The requirements for a good guide are reliability and accurate knowledge. It matters very little to me what you think of me, even less where I rank in popular opinion. I don't even rank myself. Comparisons in these matters are pointless. I'm not aware of anything that would disqualify me from being a good guide for you, but that doesn't mean much. The Master makes that judgment.
5 So don't get ahead of the Master and jump to conclusions with your judgments before all the evidence is in. When he comes, he will bring out in the open and place in evidence all kinds of things we never even dreamed of—inner motives and purposes and prayers. Only then will any one of us get to hear the "Well done!" of God.
6 All I'm doing right now, friends, is showing how these things pertain to Apollos and me so that you will learn restraint and not rush into making judgments without knowing all the facts. It's important to look at things from God's point of view. I would rather not see you inflating or deflating reputations based on mere hearsay.
7-8 For who do you know that really knows you, knows your heart? And even if they did, is there anything they would discover in you that you could take credit for? Isn't everything you have and everything you are sheer gifts from God? So what's the point of all this comparing and competing? You already have all you need. You already have more access to God than you can handle. Without bringing either Apollos or me into it, you're sitting on top of the world—at least God's world—and we're right there, sitting alongside you!
9-13 It seems to me that God has put us who bear his Message on stage in a theater in which no one wants to buy a ticket. We're something everyone stands around and stares at, like an accident in the street. We're the Messiah's misfits. You might be sure of yourselves, but we live in the midst of frailties and uncertainties. You might be well-thought-of by others, but we're mostly kicked around. Much of the time we don't have enough to eat, we wear patched and threadbare clothes, we get doors slammed in our faces, and we pick up odd jobs anywhere we can to eke out a living. When they call us names, we say, "God bless you." When they spread rumors about us, we put in a good word for them. We're treated like garbage, potato peelings from the culture's kitchen. And it's not getting any better.
14-16 I'm not writing all this as a neighborhood scold just to make you feel rotten. I'm writing as a father to you, my children. I love you and want you to grow up well, not spoiled. There are a lot of people around who can't wait to tell you what you've done wrong, but there aren't many fathers willing to take the time and effort to help you grow up. It was as Jesus helped me proclaim God's Message to you that I became your father. I'm not, you know, asking you to do anything I'm not already doing myself.
17 This is why I sent Timothy to you earlier. He is also my dear son, and true to the Master. He will refresh your memory on the instructions I regularly give all the churches on the way of Christ.
18-20 I know there are some among you who are so full of themselves they never listen to anyone, let alone me. They don't think I'll ever show up in person. But I'll be there sooner than you think, God willing, and then we'll see if they're full of anything but hot air. God's Way is not a matter of mere talk; it's an empowered life.
21 So how should I prepare to come to you? As a severe disciplinarian who makes you toe the mark? Or as a good friend and counselor who wants to share heart-to-heart with you? You decide.

A sheep yup......nothing but a sheep.....be that 'someone' who follows Him and maybe those we rub against will seek Him for themselves.

Joshua 1-3; Psalm 37; 1 Corinthians 3

2008-03-18T08:40:00.002-05:00

1 Corinthians 3: 6 I planted the seed, Apollos watered it, but God made it grow. 7So neither he who plants nor he who waters is anything, but only God, who makes things grow. 8 The man who plants and the man who waters have one purpose, and each will be rewarded according to his own labor. 9 For we are God's fellow workers; you are God's field, God's building.

Ginny Owens I AM

No Lord, he said, you've got the wrong guy

Simple conversation gets me tongue-tied

And you're telling me to speak with a maniac king

Or could it be I've lost my mind

Besides, I am weak, don't you want someone strong

To lead them out of Egypt when they've been there so long

And anyway, they won’t believe You ever spoke to me

It's not your problem, God replied

And the rest is history’

Cause there's a bigger picture you can't see

You don't have to change the world, just trust in Me'

Cause I am your creator,

I am working out my plan

And through you I will show them, I Am

Now Lord, are you sure?

He's just a shepherd boy

Too small for battle gear with a giant to destroy

What on earth can he do with five stones and a sling

It's not your problem,

God replied' Cause I can do anything

There's a bigger picture you can't see

You don't have to change the world, just trust in me'

Cause I am your creator, I am working out my plan

And through you, I will show them

I am the first, I am the last

I am the present and the past

I am tomorrow and today

I am the only way

Great Lord, she said, I'm just a simple girl

You say that I will bring your son into the world

How can I understand this thing You're gonna do

It's not your problem, God replied'

Cause, there's a bigger picture

And you don't have to change the world (oh no)

I'm your creator, I am working out my plan

And through you, I will show them

There's a bigger picture, you can't see

You don't have to change the world, just trust in me’

Cause I am your creator, I am working out my plan

And through you, I will show them, I Am I Am

And I sit at Panera struggling against powerlessness……

Deuteronomy 32 - 34; 1 Corinthians 2

2008-03-17T08:48:00.002-05:00

1 Corinthians 2: 6-10 We, of course, have plenty of wisdom to pass on to you once you get your feet on firm spiritual ground, but it's not popular wisdom, the fashionable wisdom of high-priced experts that will be out-of-date in a year or so. God's wisdom is something mysterious that goes deep into the interior of his purposes. You don't find it lying around on the surface. It's not the latest message, but more like the oldest—what God determined as the way to bring out his best in us, long before we ever arrived on the scene. The experts of our day haven't a clue about what this eternal plan is. If they had, they wouldn't have killed the Master of the God-designed life on a cross. That's why we have this Scripture text: No one's ever seen or heard anything like this, Never so much as imagined anything quite like it— What God has arranged for those who love him. But you've seen and heard it because God by his Spirit has brought it all out into the open before you.
10-13The Spirit, not content to flit around on the surface, dives into the depths of God, and brings out what God planned all along. Who ever knows what you're thinking and planning except you yourself? The same with God—except that he not only knows what he's thinking, but he lets us in on it. God offers a full report on the gifts of life and salvation that he is giving us. We don't have to rely on the world's guesses and opinions. We didn't learn this by reading books or going to school; we learned it from God, who taught us person-to-person through Jesus, and we're passing it on to you in the same firsthand, personal way.
14-16 The unspiritual self, just as it is by nature, can't receive the gifts of God's Spirit. There's no capacity for them. They seem like so much silliness. Spirit can be known only by spirit—God's Spirit and our spirits in open communion. Spiritually alive, we have access to everything God's Spirit is doing, and can't be judged by unspiritual critics. Isaiah's question, "Is there anyone around who knows God's Spirit, anyone who knows what he is doing?" has been answered: Christ knows, and we have Christ's Spirit.

Self contempt or thinking I am just crazy as my Dad said is sometimes easier than the truth and yet in the TRUTH is freedom.....a freedom I don't know how to live in...a truth that takes me deeper and deeper into dependence on Him...

Deuteronomy 25 - 27; Galatians 5

2008-03-14T08:55:00.003-05:00

What if we looked at denominations as the table of Disciples? Not really getting along and yet all loving Jesus?
What if we looked at our leadership communities the same way? None of us having the full story or in the having of it shaping it to our preferences.... and yet looking, constantly continually looking to the one who does……
What if I did, pulling the plank out of my own eye and focusing all my heart, mind, strength and soul on Jesus.
Galatians 5: 13 You, my brothers, were called to be free. But do not use your freedom to indulge the sinful nature; rather, serve one another in love. 14 The entire law is summed up in a single command: "Love your neighbor as yourself."[b] 15 If you keep on biting and devouring each other, watch out or you will be destroyed by each other.
Life by the Spirit
16 So I say, live by the Spirit, and you will not gratify the desires of the sinful nature. 17 For the sinful nature desires what is contrary to the Spirit, and the Spirit what is contrary to the sinful nature. They are in conflict with each other, so that you do not do what you want. 18 But if you are led by the Spirit, you are not under law.
19 The acts of the sinful nature are obvious: sexual immorality, impurity and debauchery; 20 idolatry and witchcraft; hatred, discord, jealousy, fits of rage, selfish ambition, dissensions, factions 21 and envy; drunkenness, orgies, and the like. I warn you, as I did before, that those who live like this will not inherit the kingdom of God.
22 But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, 23 gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law. 24 Those who belong to Christ Jesus have crucified the sinful nature with its passions and desires. 25 Since we live by the Spirit, let us keep in step with the Spirit. 26 Let us not become conceited, provoking and envying each other.

2008-03-13T09:29:00.000-05:00

"For grace to be grace, it must give us things we didn't know we needed, such as the pain of loss, or illness, or spiritual drought. As we stumble through the altered landscape of our lives, we find that God is enjoying our attention as never before. And maybe that's the point. We have finally dropped the mirror, and are looking for God."—Kathleen Norris

Deuteronomy 19-21; Galatians 3

2008-03-12T09:10:00.002-05:00

Feeling exceptionally broken yesterday and definitely refusing to go where You desire. Then hearing the story of my most precious Granddaughter, well this morning the picture I got was I was throwing a fit …I see You in everything and yet don’t operate in that seeing….I still act childishly instead of childlike and in the aftermath, the covering of myself with self contempt I can lose whatever it is You are leading me to, or seem to.
Galatians 3: 1 You crazy Galatians! Did someone put a hex on you? Have you taken leave of your senses? Something crazy has happened, for it's obvious that you no longer have the crucified Jesus in clear focus in your lives. His sacrifice on the cross was certainly set before you clearly enough.
2-4 Let me put this question to you: How did your new life begin? Was it by working your heads off to please God? Or was it by responding to God's Message to you? Are you going to continue this craziness? For only crazy people would think they could complete by their own efforts what was begun by God. If you weren't smart enough or strong enough to begin it, how do you suppose you could perfect it? Did you go through this whole painful learning process for nothing? It is not yet a total loss, but it certainly will be if you keep this up!

So anyway re: Miss Emma, her all of 5 and getting ready for kindergarten. Part of that getting ready is SHOTS. She kept telling her Mom she was going to be brave and walked right into the office without appearing to have a fear in the world. BUT when the needle came out and into her little arm, she lost it and was strong enough to make the nurse withdraw the needle 3 times, making for herself 7 shots, instead of 4. All were surprised at her reaction and said they would not have predicted that from her.
I have heard for sometime in regards to the S personality that we are ‘outwardly compliant and inwardly defiant’ ‘heard’ it to distraction and yet I see how it is true, heartbreakingly true.
I am basically scared of everything and will with a certain amount of obedience (rule keeping) go into most everything and then……I can ‘fit’ with the best of them……becoming childish instead of childlike and trusting. I don’t know, I think I am still processing a lot of it BUT bottom line I do want to be that child of faith following where YOU lead.

5-6 Answer this question: Does the God who lavishly provides you with his own presence, his Holy Spirit, working things in your lives you could never do for yourselves, does he do these things because of your strenuous moral striving or because you trust him to do them in you? Don't these things happen among you just as they happened with Abraham? He believed God, and that act of belief was turned into a life that was right with God.
7-8 Is it not obvious to you that persons who put their trust in Christ (not persons who put their trust in the law!) are like Abraham: children of faith? It was all laid out beforehand in Scripture that God would set things right with non-Jews by faith. Scripture anticipated this in the promise to Abraham: "All nations will be blessed in you."
9-10 So those now who live by faith are blessed along with Abraham, who lived by faith—this is no new doctrine! And that means that anyone who tries to live by his own effort, independent of God, is doomed to failure. Scripture backs this up: "Utterly cursed is every person who fails to carry out every detail written in the Book of the law."
11-12 The obvious impossibility of carrying out such a moral program should make it plain that no one can sustain a relationship with God that way. The person who lives in right relationship with God does it by embracing what God arranges for him. Doing things for God is the opposite of entering into what God does for you. Habakkuk had it right: "The person who believes God, is set right by God—and that's the real life." Rule-keeping does not naturally evolve into living by faith, but only perpetuates itself in more and more rule-keeping, a fact observed in Scripture: "The one who does these things [rule-keeping] continues to live by them."

Deuteronomy 16 - 18; Psalm 38; Galatians 2

2008-03-11T09:52:00.001-05:00

I have a confession to make: I only study deeply because the Bible is the only thing I trust in life. My life is as messy as anyone else’s – I have family troubles, job issues, financial needs and emotional challenges that could probably use some therapy. I struggle with sins just as much as anyone. I am not “there” yet, wherever that might be. I cling to the scriptures and try to point people to them because I’ve tried a lot of other things, and the scriptures are singularly reliable. I’m too afraid to trust anything else. …Scott Birkhead

Deuteronomy 13 - 15; Galatians 1

2008-03-10T08:33:00.004-05:00

Woke up grateful for alot and yet scared to be called to GIVE more than I want.....Deut. 15:11 There will always be poor people in the land. Therefore I command you to be openhanded toward your brothers and toward the poor and needy in your land.

woke up so excited to spend time with God and Dan and Tom and yet have I, am I domesticating God in this time....

I don't know anything anymore but trusting that the brain explosion is necessary to change the way I think and feel, trusting that the paradigm shifting is part of the journey.

Scared and yet excited that risking everything makes more and more sense....
Derek Webb Lyrics:
i repent of my pursuit of America's dream

i repent of living like i deserve anything

my house, my fence, my kids, and my wife

in our suburb where we're safe and white

i am wrong and of these things i repent

i repent of parading my liberty

i repent of paying for what i get for free

the way i believe that i am living right

by trading sins for others that are easier to hide

i am wrong and of these things i repent

i repent

judging by a law that even i can't keep

wearin righteousness like a disguise

to see through the planks in my own eyes

i repent of trading truth for false unity

i repent of confusing peace and idolatry

of caring more of what they think than what i know of what they need

and domesticating You until You look just like me

i am wrong and of these things i repent

"'Safe?' said Mr. Beaver...'Who said anything about safe? 'Course he isn't safe. but he's good. He's the King, I tell you.'"
--The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe

I am sorry I want to live more in safety... of this thing I repent.

Oh and if you're interested my man Dan was interviewed for the service Sunday and well the message was amazing as well. http://www.meaningfulchurch.com/

2008-03-07T09:46:00.004-06:00

Derek Webb said last nite we can do more to 'change the world' by having eyes for our neighbors. Those 6-8 houses surrounding ours. Yes VOTE but to really 'change the world', it comes in our contact with our neighbors.

Take Action Today:
Notice the people who are hurting around you.

2008-03-05T08:27:00.000-06:00

inthequiet is too many words. Gonna 'be still'.

Numbers 34 - 36; Mark 11

2008-03-04T08:36:00.003-06:00

Mark 11: 22 "Have faith in God," Jesus answered. 23"I tell you the truth, if anyone says to this mountain, 'Go, throw yourself into the sea,' and does not doubt in his heart but believes that what he says will happen, it will be done for him. 24 Therefore I tell you, whatever you ask for in prayer, believe that you have received it, and it will be yours. 25 And when you stand praying, if you hold anything against anyone, forgive him, so that your Father in heaven may forgive you your sins.”

The problem I guess is, I believe it can happen but not sure it will…….so what does that say about my faith?

Number 32& 33; Mark 10

2008-03-03T09:09:00.002-06:00

In over my head this weekend and while that is definitely NOT COMFORTABLE it has kept me humble and seeking HIS will…it has kept me dependent…it has kept me….
mostly I’m just scared and finding out maybe THAT’S Ok…..
Mark 10: 27 Jesus looked at them and said, "With man this is impossible, but not with God; all things are possible with God."

Simple truths

2008-02-29T08:41:00.001-06:00

Mark 8: 34 Then he called the crowd to him along with his disciples and said: "If anyone would come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross and follow me. 35 For whoever wants to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for me and for the gospel will save it. 36 What good is it for a man to gain the whole world, yet forfeit his soul? 37 Or what can a man give in exchange for his soul? 38If anyone is ashamed of me and my words in this adulterous and sinful generation, the Son of Man will be ashamed of him when he comes in his Father's glory with the holy angels."

Numbers 24 - 27; 1 Corinthians 13

2008-02-28T08:53:00.003-06:00

If life is about Him, how do I get there?
1 Corinthians 13: And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.

How do I get to love?

1 Thessalonians 1

2 Thessalonians 1

Matthew 6: 30-33"If God gives such attention to the appearance of wildflowers—most of which are never even seen—don't you think he'll attend to you, take pride in you, do his best for you? What I'm trying to do here is to get you to relax, to not be so preoccupied with getting, so you can respond to God's giving. People who don't know God and the way he works fuss over these things, but you know both God and how he works. Steep your life in God-reality, God-initiative, God-provisions. Don't worry about missing out. You'll find all your everyday human concerns will be met.

Numbers 21& 23; Mark 6 & 7

2008-02-27T08:55:00.002-06:00

Numbers 22: 9 God came to Balaam and asked, "Who are these men with you?"
Why did God ask?
And then getting the Pharisees to see their own unclean hearts.

God wants our hearts…….He asks so we have to answer, even though He knows our hearts better than we and loves us still….

calls us to Him, in order to answer we have to look at our own hearts……

scary stuff and without the Holy Spirit can we really see??

Numbers 19& 20; Psalm 28; Mark 5

2008-02-26T09:08:00.003-06:00

In the suffering is Him….big or small suffering He meets us/me. The whole JOY in suffering.....

Having lived trying to escape or buffer any kind of suffering this is a hard lesson learned…..
We'd like to have it all neat and orderly. We want to be able to measure it and control it, but the reality is that Jesus is a mystery. The Christian faith is a mystery. The disciples spent their entire time following him going, "Uhh, what the heck are you doing? We don't understand what you're doing and we don't know why you're doing it." And when he would explain why he was doing it, they still didn't get it. - Mike Yaconelli
So in the escaping was not trusting the God of the universe (self protection) …..Hey I still WANT to escape but more and more in the resting, waiting on Him there is more peace and contentment than I ever knew existed….and when you don’t run away there does tend to be more opportunities for ‘suffering’.
Numbers 20: 1 In the first month the whole Israelite community arrived at the Desert of Zin, and they stayed at Kadesh. There Miriam died and was buried.
2 Now there was no water for the community, and the people gathered in opposition to Moses and Aaron. 3 They quarreled with Moses and said, "If only we had died when our brothers fell dead before the LORD! 4 Why did you bring the LORD's community into this desert, that we and our livestock should die here? 5 Why did you bring us up out of Egypt to this terrible place? It has no grain or figs, grapevines or pomegranates. And there is no water to drink!"
6 Moses and Aaron went from the assembly to the entrance to the Tent of Meeting and fell facedown, and the glory of the LORD appeared to them. 7 The LORD said to Moses, 8 "Take the staff, and you and your brother Aaron gather the assembly together. Speak to that rock before their eyes and it will pour out its water. You will bring water out of the rock for the community so they and their livestock can drink."
9 So Moses took the staff from the LORD's presence, just as he commanded him. 10 He and Aaron gathered the assembly together in front of the rock and Moses said to them, "Listen, you rebels, must we bring you water out of this rock?" 11 Then Moses raised his arm and struck the rock twice with his staff. Water gushed out, and the community and their livestock drank.
12 But the LORD said to Moses and Aaron, "Because you did not trust in me enough to honor me as holy in the sight of the Israelites, you will not bring this community into the land I give them."
Psalm 28: 7 The LORD is my strength and my shield; my heart trusts in him, and I am helped. My heart leaps for joy and I will give thanks to him in song.
Mark 5: 6 When he saw Jesus from a distance, he ran and fell on his knees in front of him. 7He shouted at the top of his voice, "What do you want with me, Jesus, Son of the Most High God? Swear to God that you won't torture me!" 8For Jesus had said to him, "Come out of this man, you evil spirit!"
Mark 5: 32 But Jesus kept looking around to see who had done it. 33Then the woman, knowing what had happened to her, came and fell at his feet and, trembling with fear, told him the whole truth. 34 He said to her, "Daughter, your faith has healed you. Go in peace and be freed from your suffering."
As I read all the above I am struck with awe…Moses taking it just another step further beyond what God said to do….David who screwed up royally knowing God……that demons are afraid of Jesus….that faith in Him is so amazingly powerful……

Numbers 17 & 18; Psalm 29; Mark 4

2008-02-25T08:34:00.001-06:00

Numbers 10 & 11; Psalm 27; Mark 1

2008-02-22T09:03:00.002-06:00

I got nuthin….my brain is swaddled in confusion……my heart is soft and wanting to lean into the confusion and trust where You might want me to go.

Psalm 27: 14 Wait for the LORD;

be strong and take heart

and wait for the LORD.

Number 8 & 9; Acts 28

2008-02-21T09:04:00.005-06:00

Today’s a snow day here where I live and I am the receptionist for a good sized school district. Today I am going to get called by parents who ‘forget’ that the decision to cancel school is a well thought out one. It is one taking into consideration the safety of ALL students and staff, not one arrived at lightly . I take my lumps and listen biting back judgmental thoughts and feelings, no that's not true biting back the words that would exhibit my judgemental thoughts and feelings. I try to understand where they are coming from and not make it about me. My personality wants to defend those that don’t need my defending, maybe in the defense it’s more about wanting to ‘teach’ them something….ugly stuff…not very loving at all.
To live honest and vulnerable, like a sheep without defense counting on my shepherd is just so counterintuitive….because my first intuitive response is to lie and self protect.

Hurt people, hurt people. And aren't we all damaged, broken, bruised...hurt to some extent? I’m gonna hurt you and you’re going to hurt me and we're going to hurt others.....if I’m not trusting my shepherd, living in/under the Grace of THE MOST AMAZING GOD…..hurt people, hurt people.
It’s about YOU and the sooner I LIVE like I know that the easier it will be, become to BE honest and vulnerable…easier, is that true?

Acts 28: 25 They disagreed among themselves and began to leave after Paul had made this final statement: "The Holy Spirit spoke the truth to your forefathers when he said through Isaiah the prophet

26" 'Go to this people and say,

"You will be ever hearing but never understanding;

you will be ever seeing but never perceiving."

27For this people's heart has become calloused;

they hardly hear with their ears,

and they have closed their eyes.

Otherwise they might see with their eyes,

hear with their ears,

understand with their hearts

and turn, and I would heal them.'

Numbers 7; Psalm 23; Acts 27

2008-02-20T08:55:00.006-06:00

Woke up in, well thinking on and about the 23rd Psalm, talked to Dan in bed before ever getting up about...how do we allow ourselves, submit ourselves to this truth that we are sheep. Dumb and ...... as sheep oh how very loved we are…. and then come to find out it is our reading for today….

Been spinning in NOT WANTING TO BE THE SHEEP…not wanting to BE WEIRD…instead of resting in the knowing that I am a sheep…I am weird…because ….well this is where I was yesterday…..

John 10: 27 My sheep listen to my voice; I know them, and they follow me. 28 I give them eternal life, and they shall never perish; no one can snatch them out of my hand.
186 references to sheep in the bible. God calls us sheep and Jesus my shepherd. I don’t like being a sheep…..sheep are DUMB.

and then I found this:

Philip Keller is a modern day shepherd. Keller says that sheep will never lie down until four conditions are met: 1) they must be free from all fear. 2) they must be free of torment by flies or parasites. 3) they must have a full belly. 4) they must be in harmony with their fellow sheep. Green pastures means tender grass. A good shepherd leads the sheep to the best places to graze to keep them healthy. Keller says that a good shepherd will put tremendous labor into clearing rough, rocky ground into lush pasture land. Jesus, our Good Shepherd, removes our fear, fills us with His Spirit until we are full in Him and gives us peace so that we may lie down and rest. The sheep are led to "quiet waters"….running creeks = dead sheep… the sheep drown. Sheep scare easily so calm waters put them at ease. If we follow Jesus, He will lead us to those calm, quiet waters where we have inner peace, calmness and stillness from the living water that only He can give - the water that when I drink, I will never thirst again (John 4:13-14).

Psalm 23
1 The LORD is my shepherd, I shall not be in want.
2 He makes me lie down in green pastures, he leads me beside quiet waters,
3 he restores my soul. He guides me in paths of righteousness for his name's sake.
4 Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, [a] I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me.
5 You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies. You anoint my head with oil; my cup overflows.
6 Surely goodness and love will follow me all the days of my life, and I will dwell in the house of the LORD forever.

"He restores my soul" (verse 3a). When I am heavy laden and burdened, when life bruises and batters, when I am downcast, He restores my soul. We restore things (fix things) that are old, battered and in bad shape. We restore houses, cars and furniture. We make them look brand new. Jesus restores us - He makes us brand new.

A sheep sometimes if she falls cannot get up, she can literally become stuck on her back… That is what is meant by being downcast. In that position, they can get sunstroke, or can be attacked by wild animals. The Good Shepherd will restore the sheep who has become downcast. He will set us right side up.

"He guides me" (verse 3b). He leads me. Where? Into paths of righteousness. Right paths. Remember sheep are dumb, they have no sense of direction. They need someone to lead them in paths that are right. They have to be led or they will wander. He leads us into the best places. The word "lead" literally means to "drive" us. At times He guides me gently - at times I need to be driven - pushed and prodded. But that's what a Good Shepherd does. He wants to lead me into those paths that have been marked out by Him. They have been checked for safety and only for my good. But my eyes must stay on Him as He leads.

"Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and staff, they comfort me" (verse 4). Sheep have no way to defend themselves. They have no incisors (cutting teeth) in their upper jaws. They have no claws or pointed horns. They are defenseless. The only way they can defend themselves is by running away. They need a shepherd with a rod (a stick that is used to fight enemies) and a staff (a special stick that helps people walk) to protect them. When we are afraid, when we're lost and not sure where we are or where we are going, the Lord is there. Sometimes with a gentle word and a soft touch. Sometimes poking and prodding with His rod and staff. He may also have to use his rod to get us out of deep waters or get us down from a high ledge that we are afraid to come down from. Either way - He is leading us and guiding us and protecting us. And protect us He must! Apart from Him we have no defense against the lion who is seeking after whom he may devour (1 Peter 5:8).

It is important for a sheep to see it's shepherd and hear his voice to know that it is safe. In John 10:27, Jesus said, "My sheep listen to my voice. I know them and they follow me." Sheep know their shepherd's voice so well that when they get intermingled with another flock, each shepherd can call out and the sheep will quickly start following their own shepherd. Only then are they able to lie down and rest, restored, because they know their shepherd will protect them and care for them. He will lay down His life if He has to (John 10:11). He doesn't run away when the wolf comes (John 10: 12-13). And if one strays, He will leave the rest of the flock to find it. He will put it on His shoulders and carry it home. You know that wandering can be harmful and tiring - sometimes we can't even walk when we're found. But He will rejoice as He carries us and say, "I have found my lost sheep." (Luke 15: 4-6) (I didn’t know any of this until I began slowing down)….you know what the most amazing fact of all is? When a shepherd has a sheep who is a habitual wanderer, he will break it's leg. That's right! He will break it's leg so that He will have to carry it until it is healed. Once healed, that sheep is so used to being close to the shepherd that He never wanders again. Wow!

Ok I know the images may be childlike but maybe I need them to remind me that being the sheep...being weird...is exactly where HE wants me.....to be the sheep, a member of his flock....not a sheep dog nor a shepherd.....not an anything special sheep but as a sheep of His flock...oh how loved I am.

Numbers 5 & 6; Psalm 22; Acts 26

2008-02-19T09:05:00.000-06:00

Acts 26: 24 At this point Festus interrupted Paul's defense. "You are out of your mind, Paul!" he shouted. "Your great learning is driving you insane."

Maybe…he was just weird…..

LA in February.....ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh

2008-02-18T14:16:00.010-06:00

He's my man!
Shovelhead Shark
Love me some Palm Trees!!
Ethiopian Cuisine...fun way to share a meal!
Don't we look tired?
Isn't she lovely?

Leviticus 25; Psalm 25 and 26; Acts 22

2008-02-15T08:49:00.004-06:00

More weirdoes….choosing to drive junky cars ...living generous lives ....taking care of others…I mean come on that's just 3 people I know who are weird. And the Dave Ramsey quote rings in my ears…

”Broke is normal, BE weird.”

Leviticus 25: 4 But in the seventh year the land is to have a sabbath of rest, a sabbath to the LORD. Do not sow your fields or prune your vineyards. 5 Do not reap what grows of itself or harvest the grapes of your untended vines. The land is to have a year of rest. 6 Whatever the land yields during the sabbath year will be food for you—for yourself, your manservant and maidservant, and the hired worker and temporary resident who live among you, 7 as well as for your livestock and the wild animals in your land. Whatever the land produces may be eaten.
Weird…but…but we just stepped away from Small Group leadership for a year, participated but didn’t facilitate and now we are drawn back…..ok...but still weird.

Lev. 25: 17 Do not take advantage of each other, but fear your God. I am the LORD your God….but if I don’t get mine, I mean what if they take advantage of me..just too weird.

Psalm 25: 9 He guides the humble in what is right and teaches them his way. 14 The LORD confides in those who fear him; he makes his covenant known to them.
Psalm 26: 2 Test me, O LORD, and try me, examine my heart and my mind;(nope that’s too scary….right??) 3 for your love is ever before me, (before me would imply my following) and I walk continually in your truth.

And then the whole of Saul to Paul…and Ananias that whole story from Acts 9…I mean come on….This is all just weird…

Please God I want to not be afraid of BEING weird.

Leviticus 23 & 24; Psalm 24; Acts 21

2008-02-14T08:40:00.003-06:00

Small Group last nite and it was tough. A good tough but tough nonetheless. I love the passion for Christ that B and S bring to the table, no civilized religion for them just an all out love for Him that makes them very intriguing, weird even…..hmm….I am beginning to LIKE weird.

Leviticus 23: 22 " 'When you reap the harvest of your land, do not reap to the very edges of your field or gather the gleanings of your harvest. Leave them for the poor and the alien. I am the LORD your God.' " (not harvest ALL of it, THAT would just be weird)
Acts 21: 5 But when our time was up, we left and continued on our way. All the disciples and their wives and children accompanied us out of the city, and there on the beach we knelt to pray. (right there, right there on the beach and pray….OK now that’s just weird)
Acts 21: 13 Then Paul answered, "Why are you weeping and breaking my heart? I am ready not only to be bound, but also to die in Jerusalem for the name of the Lord Jesus." (come on, ready to die for the name of Jesus, you gotta admit that’s weird)

You know I need these kinds of weird….I need to BE weirdly in love with a God I can’t see, touch or feel and in that love allow Him to make ME MORE LOVING….and in the more loving is…..it may be weird but I think it will let us influence more people in that weird love than in preaching or judging anyone else….

more weirdness at Eric's place....

2008-02-13T09:24:00.002-06:00

"Before you can inspire with emotion, you must be swamped with it yourself. Before you can move their tears, your own must flow. To convince them, you must yourself believe." ~ Winston Churchill

Unless someone like you cares a whole lot, nothing is going to get better. It's not.

~Dr. Seuss' The Lorax

Leviticus 18 & 19; Psalm 13; Acts 19

2008-02-12T09:33:00.000-06:00

Acts 19: 32 The assembly was in confusion: Some were shouting one thing, some another. Most of the people did not even know why they were there.

That sentence means so much to me today, this morning. Living a life about me, hollering always hollering what I thought, wanting someone to listen to me, ALWAYS wanting someone to listen to me....contributing to the cacophony of noise, trying to obliterate the confusion in my brain....thinking I knew so much and yet living in this constant fear that it wasn’t enough.
Not even knowing…..not even knowing…..
see words are so inadequate, heck there aren’t any (but I always try) and besides I am supposed to live it…live following and the thing is the more I do …the more I remember to follow… the more the blessings overwhelm me.

We just returned from Los Angeles, a visit with our daughter there. Did so much and had such a good time. But the best, the absolute HIGH POINT of the visit for Dand and I was to have a conversation with her and her boyfriend…wouldn’t have, couldn’t have happened before You guiding me/us. It maybe could have but I /we wouldn’t have trusted anything and I /we would have preached, cajoled and manipulated.... and been so afraid and in our fear would have driven her away.... and now it’s just opening my heart, giving my heart, our hearts to You and following.

In the following You lead to 'being vulnerable' ....You lead to loving more and different ‘others’ than I would have ever ‘chosen’…..following is hard….

Leviticus 1 - 3; Acts 13

2008-02-06T09:20:00.000-06:00

I have people around me in various places of pain. I don’t want to fix them any longer, I see their pain and know I can’t take it on, I know I can pray for them, I know that somedays that’s enough and other days it’s not (to me) , I know that I am supposed to follow and I know that somedays following is easier than others, I know I have wanted to BE perfect and that in failing I quit......I sure think I know a lot don’t ??
The truth is I am finding more and more how very little I do know. And yet that little I do know keeps me seeking You. The truth is there are a lot of people with pain and YOU are going to do what YOU are going to do and I am simply and completely supposed to follow…and when I do the blessing is witnessing something I’ve lived my whole life NOT seeing.

Acts 13: 38 "Therefore, my brothers, I want you to know that through Jesus the forgiveness of sins is proclaimed to you. 39 Through him everyone who believes is justified from everything you could not be justified from by the law of Moses. 40T ake care that what the prophets have said does not happen to you:

41" 'Look, you scoffers,

wonder and perish,

for I am going to do something in your days

that you would never believe,

even if someone told you.'"

Living with limited vision…

I have had and will continue to have ….only YOU see the whole picture.

Exodus 39 & 40; Psalm 15; Acts 12

2008-02-05T08:53:00.001-06:00

"Experiencing the present purely is being empty and hollow; you catch grace as a man fills his cup under a waterfall. " Annie Dillard
I read this quote and I am just struck with a vision of a waterfall and me in it...smack dab in the middle of it with my cup extended trying to fill it and of course you can't. The force of the water is so overwhelming, the force of Your Grace the same.Trying to take just a cup of grace, just a cup of water from the falls ...and being drenched in the trying. There is no taking a little grace, in the trying your hand is drenched, your wrist, your arm, your body, your hair and face and neck...the power of the falls is overwhelming. The power of Your Grace....staggering.I am drenched but the cup is empty, nothing to take away. Nothing to take away, I have to stay smack dab in the middle of the fall, in the middle of your GRACE. Maybe if I do and become so drenched w/love and grace....I won't be able to stop giving it to others???So as I am feeling SAD today step into the falls...BE DRENCHED...So as I am feeling DOWN tomorrow step into the falls...BE DRENCHED...So as I am feeling angry or joyous or jealous or content the next or the next day...step into the falls...BE DRENCHED....
BE DRENCHED
That's from a couple of years ago....Meeting with ______ gets harder and harder instead of easier and I would imagine that is YOU not wanting me to run away, to quit, to just throw her out of my rolodex. But THAT is my desire…and my desire is of course selfish and self-protective….to not have to be vulnerable to those that I perceive have hurt me. To forgive? Maybe I more need to BE forgiven and I can’t see it, can’t AGAIN ask for it…and in the ‘can’t’ I am stuck…..stuck…stuck…stuck….
Crap…I just told a friend, freakin just now…to trust You and give her heart away, to trust You in her relationship…..CRAP…..I want to say, it’s ‘different’ but I imagine it’s not…the self-protecting over trusting YOUR protection works in every interaction….the trusting YOU and YOUR work rather than trying to manage everything myself…..
What a forgiving God you are…..Ex. 40: 13 Then dress Aaron in the sacred garments, anoint him and consecrate him so he may serve me as priest. Gold calf making Aaron anointed and consecrated to serve YOU…And Your protection and intervening for Peter in prison……to TRUST You in everything….You are a God of justice and mercy and grace and love beyond my understanding, but if I don’t live in the seeking of it and resting in it what do I have to give away….nothing....BE DRENCHED

2008-02-04T09:10:00.000-06:00

Giving all their gold, silver, STUFF …where did it come from in the first place.
Exodus 11: 2 Tell the people that men and women alike are to ask their neighbors for articles of silver and gold." 3 (The LORD made the Egyptians favorably disposed toward the people, and Moses himself was highly regarded in Egypt by Pharaoh's officials and by the people.)

So hard for me to grasp that what I have is HIS. The simplicity of a life lived knowing that.

2008-02-01T06:51:00.001-06:00

Aren't they cute!!

http://www.jibjab.com/sendables/view/ljrAN6TItTX2eZc4iJdjhKbg

and in case you're wondering...I taught them every step!

2008-01-31T08:50:00.000-06:00

Weird... that word is so prevalent to my vocabulary. Seems to encompass so much it’s easy to use and becoming easier to accept…I saw the Dave Ramsey ad for FPU and it said “broke is normal, be weird”…..so maybe it’s ok to BE weird?
And the stuff God is doing right now is just W E I R D. So to follow into weird.... maybe weird becoming hard or uncomfortable or ….whatever. Will I follow? How about you ?

2008-01-30T08:25:00.001-06:00

ahhhhhh crap.....

From the moment a creature becomes aware of God as God and of itself as self, the terrible alternative of choosing God or self for the centre is opened to it...................... C S Lewis

2008-01-29T08:59:00.001-06:00

“We should live by faith, be known by love, and become a voice of hope.” – Erwin McManus

How can I sit here at my desk weeping for someone I never met.
The power of the written word.
The power of relationships built on what is written.
The power of love in the written word.
I don’t know too much of anything for sure anymore save for there is power in Love and He is love.

Exodus 21 - 22; Psalm 12; Acts 4

2008-01-28T08:32:00.001-06:00

Acts 4: 32 All the believers were one in heart and mind. No one claimed that any of his possessions was his own, but they shared everything they had.

My first thought reading this was IMPOSSIBLE and on the heels of that came, ‘with God all things are possible’……

Ex. 12&13;Ps. 21;Acts 1

2008-01-25T07:00:00.000-06:00

What man does to man cannot take away from God's intentions.

Ps. 21:6 You have endowed him with eternal blessings and given him the joy of your presence.

I 'feel' joy at Your presence~I 'feel' anticipation at spending this time with You... I pray this for all who KNOW. For all who know, to spend time getting to KNOW YOU. For us as we get to know YOU, to become softer and more loving and yet strong...in a strength that only comes from yielding to You and Your will and in that surrender is JOY...

Acts 1:8 But you will receive power when the Holy Spirit comes upon you . And you will be my witnessess, telling people about me everywhere...
in that surrender...
is power?
For someone who has 'felt' powerless and manipulated everyone and everything to gain power this is...frightening. If I've wanted power my whole life what will I do when I get it?
It's not then nor ever will be any power of mine ALWAYS YOURS and in surrender to that thought is such...HOPE ~FORGIVNESS and GRACE and LOVE
to spread this power, this love ...I pray it is so
to be sooo different that what I am now
WOW
guide me to love.

2008-01-24T08:56:00.000-06:00

So it’s not about us…..where we’ve been we can use to share with others? I don’t know anything anymore….for sure, like I thought I did before. But in Your protection thinking about things is different now, it’s more prayer than obsessively thinking….it’s more about what You may or may not want than about me just doing the same things over and over…..??
This reading and journaling thing and sharing my thoughts here has grown my relationship with someone I can’t see or touch……but there are moments when I feel the protection, or is it that now I just KNOW and trust that it’s there, because when I don’t feel it, I will have to remember it……hmmmm
*God speaking to Moses and Aaron, well 1 time in these 3 chapters to Moses AND Aaron, mostly to Moses.
*Each time Moses prays to God the plagues to stop and each time God hardens Pharoahs heart.
*Telling Moses and Aaron to tell the people to ASK for silver and gold from their Egyptian neighbors/masters…..what a time of obedience? Because what a crazy thing to think about asking, the people who have oppressed you all this time...asking them for their silver and gold……
Every bit of it proving to them that God’s in charge……Moses to know that God was going to each time harden Pharoahs heart……how not to just want to run away…..and say ‘what the heck are you doing here and why do I have to be a part of it’…or at least that is what I’m pretty sure I would have done…would I now, coming to know You through reading and journaling through Your word….I really don’t know, I know I would want to NOT but would I?

Luke 24: 30 When he was at the table with them, he took bread, gave thanks, broke it and began to give it to them. 31Then their eyes were opened and they recognized him, and he disappeared from their sight. 32They asked each other, "Were not our hearts burning within us while he talked with us on the road and opened the Scriptures to us?"

Luke 24: 45 Then he opened their minds so they could understand the Scriptures.
It’s so much more than I can ever explain and the thing is my explanation does nothing for anyone else. To obey, to believe and trust and be obedient to You, IF I could do that what would be the need of explanation. To follow where You lead THAT’S where I’m at and in this moment it FEELS like enough.

Exodus 6 - 8; Luke 23

2008-01-23T08:55:00.000-06:00

Fighting against being a sheep today. Feeling shorn and naked and vulnerable, so what am I going to do? The definition of insanity is doing the same thing expecting different results….

so to stand, be still, BE naked and vulnerable…….look to my shepherd and wait.
Genesis 39: 30 But Moses said to the LORD, "Since I speak with faltering lips, why would Pharaoh listen to me?"
So even Moses, doesn’t get it. It’s not about him or his words, it’s about what God intends, and are we willing to wait and see…to follow…to trust that……am I?
Then the whole of the crucifixion, to die for us, for me, our/my sins. There is no sense in that….just GRACE. To live in the awe of GRACE, without struggling against…or always struggling against wanting what I want and what YOU want is better…….??

2008-01-22T10:32:00.000-06:00

So I’ve read the Shack and now I’ve been to Juno. Does that make me culturally relevant?

I loved the Shack and felt like his illustration of the trinity was amazing. I think it is the most simple and yet deceptively deep book I have read in a long time. I would love to just sit around a table laden with food and wine and talk about it and it's impact on us.

I loved Juno...smart and simple dialogue....fully developed characters that you just want to hear what they're thinking.....

2008-01-18T08:36:00.001-06:00

Brant is always good to either make me really think or flat out laugh.....but even in the laughter is MUCH thought...

Jeff he writes from the heart, his journey is real and honest and truly inspiring. If you haven't already, read his book!

Wrecked for the Ordinary is chock full of amazing pieces of writing all related to someone's journey...Love it.

Inspired to Action...nuff said

This one and this one....never fail to make me laugh.....I like to laugh and maybe that one, I should keep to myself.......ok confession time.....I also love any celebrity gossip sites...I know I know terrible isn't it. (got any to share yourself) And I guess all kidding aside with all that is happening to Britney maybe I need to rethink this 'innocent' addiction....are we the consuming public at all responsible for her situation now??

And then this.....wow...not saying I agree totally but I don't totally disagree either...the discomfort comes for me in thinking about it...discomfort takes me to wrestling with it and then...well I know in the losing there is always much for me to learn...

Genesis 42 & 43; Psalm 5; Luke 17

2008-01-17T08:36:00.000-06:00

Luke 17: 17 Jesus asked, "Were not all ten cleansed? Where are the other nine? 18 Was no one found to return and give praise to God except this foreigner?" 19 Then he said to him, "Rise and go; your faith has made you well."
To turn back…..to turn back and humbly give praise….
You are a God beyond understanding…yeah for THAT
Your ways are so much better than mine and that I thought differently I am sorry
A world of such diversity, who could imagine…only YOU
Journey’s, to give them to us and allow us free will....
Seasons…even this morning the snow was beautiful, before anything touched it beautiful.
Grandchildren, second chances to love.
Second chances, mulligans, do-overs….Your grace................ undeniable
My husband, I am so grateful to be on this journey with him. To get up in the morning and be able together spend time with you. I am blown away
To turn back….always the opportunity to turn back.

We all want progress, but if you're on the wrong road, progress means doing an about-turn and walking back to the right road; in that case, the man who turns back soonest is the most progressive. CS Lewis

Genesis 39- 40; Genesis 41; Luke 16

2008-01-16T10:08:00.000-06:00

You are IN everything, why does that always feel like a new revelation? The more I trust You the more I SEE, the more I HEAR….the more I respond to what I see and hear the more I see and hear…….but the fear…..the monster that always lurks, where does it go? I’m not looking for it I’m looking to You??....hmmmm
The whole story of Joseph……hmmmm
not easy, not without A LOT of hardship…just hmmmmm.

Then Luke 16 is just full of stuff that I don’t quite ‘get’…or maybe it’s in the thinking I need to ‘get’ it I miss the wrestling and of course I do like to wrestle.
Oh, I don't serve Money….I don't serve Money….

The truth is that just this morning Dan and I were discussing our VACATION…..3 weeks on the bike heading to Banff Canada and it hit me/us that we haven’t even discussed it with Him….it is our BIKE our Time…. our idols, our God??? What does it mean to be a disciple, a follower of Christ with our money, our time? how would God have us spend our money or our time? We may have discussed how WE should spend our money. But……how do I ask…do I ask….how GOD would have us spend our money.

“That places him in the position as the Lord of our life decisions, not we ourselves. Money decisions are either spiritual decisions or self-serving decisions. Making a contract has spiritual implications. Taking out a loan has spiritual implications. Buying on credit has spiritual implications. Writing a will has spiritual implications.”( Dang, we soooo NEED to write a will.) From a money study somewhere, we've done like 4 of them.....There is a whole lot to following Christ I guess and I’m just NOW figuring that out…??…now….now do I keep following or run? He’s gonna love me no matter what I know this ……..but IF I want my kids to follow Christ, figure out what having a journey looks like I guess I don’t run…..sure does get messy.

Genesis 37 & 38; Psalm 7; Luke 15

2008-01-15T09:06:00.000-06:00

I had breakfast this morning with a couple of ladies that just….well, they just blow me away. We get together every Tuesday morning at Panera to read and journal but sometimes we don’t and we just explore each other. And this morning the exploration was rich and deep…and you know what, I LIKE rich and deep. I like hearing what and who God is to someone, I like entering into their confusion of what this following Christ looks like, has looked like, what we may want it to look like. So I don’t know…..I just had a great morning.
God’s passion for LOST.
And there’s me to proud to ever admit anything, let alone lostness. And in the admission, there has come more contentment and joy than I would have dreamed possible. In talking with my BIL and saying to him regarding my husband…’ a humility you will never understand.’……to admit we are lost takes a humility that without Christ, the indwelling of the Spirit….is impossible? But you know, not admitting something doesn't make it any less true.....I don’t know much anymore ...bout to much of anything so I am trying to lay my confusion out there….trying to trust that in my ignorance…..no trust ....that in being FOUND I am covered with His most amazing Grace and learning that THAT needs to become enough….??
Luke 15: 7 I tell you that in the same way there will be more rejoicing in heaven over one sinner who repents than over ninety-nine righteous persons who do not need to repent.
Luke 15: 10 In the same way, I tell you, there is rejoicing in the presence of the angels of God over one sinner who repents."
Luke 15: 20 So he got up and went to his father. "But while he was still a long way off, his father saw him and was filled with compassion for him; he ran to his son, threw his arms around him and kissed him .

Genesis 34 - 36; Luke 14

2008-01-14T09:04:00.001-06:00

Luke 14: 34"Salt is good, but if it loses its saltiness, how can it be made salty again? 35It is fit neither for the soil nor for the manure pile; it is thrown out.

"He who has ears to hear, let him hear."

Genesis 27-28; Ps.4;Luke 11

2008-01-11T08:21:00.001-06:00

Also for a Friday some fun places to visit:

Pioneer Woman and Pioneer Woman Cooks this gals blog is funny and touching every day.

Bag of Nothing never fails to have something.

Meaningfulchurch check out our Imagine Christmas..."He's just crazy about the peoples!"

And this one...well...this one needs to be read.

Genesis 25&26; Psalm 6; Luke 10

2008-01-10T09:00:00.000-06:00

To live honest and vulnerable IS a choice.
To follow IS a choice.
In following will choices become easier?

Ok, so you DO give away what you know….Isaac telling people his wife was his sister….Isaac’s lack of faith living among people….protecting instead of allowing God to do what He wanted to do?? Roy’s looking at me challenging me that I couldn’t give away what I didn’t have…wanting my daughter to become content, when I wasn’t….contentment IS in Christ and that I am learning to give away....that THAT is all I want to give away...?? It is so vague….but in the living it we give away what we know……hmmmm

And then such sorrow in the Psalm….David, a man after God’s own heart, David….screwing up and suffering and yet always seeking after God….His faith, though weak and human in God.

Luke 10: 3 Go! I am sending you out like lambs among wolves…..doesn’t sound safe to me.
Luke 10: 21 At that time Jesus, full of joy through the Holy Spirit, said, "I praise you, Father, Lord of heaven and earth, because you have hidden these things from the wise and learned, and revealed them to little children. Yes, Father, for this was your good pleasure.
22"All things have been committed to me by my Father. No one knows who the Son is except the Father, and no one knows who the Father is except the Son and those to whom the Son chooses to reveal him."
23Then he turned to his disciples and said privately, "Blessed are the eyes that see what you see. 24 For I tell you that many prophets and kings wanted to see what you see but did not see it, and to hear what you hear but did not hear it."

Like a lamb and children……better have a good Shepherd and Daddy to do this……I do. Now I have to remember......in the remembering does the choice become easier??? Or is it that in the remembering following comes more naturally??? hmmmmm

Genesis 23-24; Luke 9

2008-01-09T09:18:00.000-06:00

When you want to run….When you want to Hide….STOP and in the name of LOVE……
Don’t….

You’re just a loved sheep in His flock, in His care…….and oh how loved you are.

NIV Luke 9: 23 Then he said to them all: "If anyone would come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross daily and follow me. 24 For whoever wants to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for me will save it. 25 What good is it for a man to gain the whole world, and yet lose or forfeit his very self? 26 If anyone is ashamed of me and my words, the Son of Man will be ashamed of him when he comes in his glory and in the glory of the Father and of the holy angels. 27 I tell you the truth, some who are standing here will not taste death before they see the kingdom of God."
The Cost of Following Jesus
MSG Luke 9: 57 On the road someone asked if he could go along. "I'll go with you, wherever," he said.
58 Jesus was curt: "Are you ready to rough it? We're not staying in the best inns, you know."
Jesus said to another, "Follow me."
59He said, "Certainly, but first excuse me for a couple of days, please. I have to make arrangements for my father's funeral."
60 Jesus refused. "First things first. Your business is life, not death. And life is urgent: Announce God's kingdom!"
61 Then another said, "I'm ready to follow you, Master, but first excuse me while I get things straightened out at home."
62Jesus said, "No procrastination. No backward looks. You can't put God's kingdom off till tomorrow. Seize the day."
To follow……like a well cared for sheep follow.

Genesis 20-22; Luke 8

2008-01-08T09:18:00.000-06:00

Genesis 20: 11 Abraham replied, "I said to myself, 'There is surely no fear of God in this place, and they will kill me because of my wife.' 12 Besides, she really is my sister, the daughter of my father though not of my mother; and she became my wife. 13 And when God had me wander from my father's household, I said to her, 'This is how you can show your love to me: Everywhere we go, say of me, "He is my brother."

So even Abraham struggled with self protection? Abraham.... talked to God Abraham.... struggled…..hmmmm ....But then again…..did he?

Abraham 22: 2 Then God said, "Take your son, your only son, Isaac, whom you love, and go to the region of Moriah. Sacrifice him there as a burnt offering on one of the mountains I will tell you about."
6 Abraham took the wood for the burnt offering and placed it on his son Isaac, and he himself carried the fire and the knife. As the two of them went on together,…

And then there’s the disciples….witnesses to the miracles that Jesus does…..

Luke 8: 22 One day Jesus said to his disciples, "Let's go over to the other side of the lake." So they got into a boat and set out. 23 As they sailed, he fell asleep. A squall came down on the lake, so that the boat was being swamped, and they were in great danger.
24 The disciples went and woke him, saying, "Master, Master, we're going to drown!"
He got up and rebuked the wind and the raging waters; the storm subsided, and all was calm. 25"Where is your faith?" he asked his disciples. In fear and amazement they asked one another, "Who is this? He commands even the winds and the water, and they obey him."

God doesn’t change…..His desires for us don’t….creating us for relationship with Him…..we let so much get in the way…..He waits….He loves…He guides and I want to follow.

Luke 8: 11"This is the meaning of the parable: The seed is the word of God. 12 Those along the path are the ones who hear, and then the devil comes and takes away the word from their hearts, so that they may not believe and be saved. 13 Those on the rock are the ones who receive the word with joy when they hear it, but they have no root. They believe for a while, but in the time of testing they fall away. 14 The seed that fell among thorns stands for those who hear, but as they go on their way they are choked by life's worries, riches and pleasures, and they do not mature. 15 But the seed on good soil stands for those with a noble and good heart, who hear the word, retain it, and by persevering produce a crop.

2008-01-07T10:31:00.000-06:00

“ But, what you said. I mean about hiding inside lies. I guess I’ve done that one way or another most of my life”
“Honey, you’re a survivor. No shame in that. Your daddy hurt you something fierce. Life hurt you. Lies are one of the easiest places for survivors to run. It gives you a sense of safety, a place where you only have to depend on yourself. But it’s a dark place isn’t it?”
“So dark, “ Mack muttered with a shake of his head.
“But are you willing to give up the power and safety it promises you? That’s the question.”
“What do you mean?” asked Mack.
“Lies are a little fortress; inside them you can feel safe and powerful. Through your little fortress of lies you try to run your life and manipulate others. But the fortress needs walls, so you build some. These are the justifications for your lies. You know, like you are doing this to protect someone you love, to keep them from feeling pain. Whatever works, just so you feel okay about the lies.”
“But the reason I didn’t tell Nan about the note was because it would have caused her so much hurt.”
“See, there you go . Mackenzie, justifying yourself. What you said is a bold faced lie, but you can’t see it. Do you want me to tell you what the truth is?”
Mack knew _____ was going to go deep and somewhere inside he was both relieved to be talking about this and tempted to almost laugh out loud. He was no longer embarrassed by it. “No-o-o-o,” he drew his answer out slowly and smirked up at ____. “ But go ahead anyway.”
____ smiled back and then grew serious.
“The truth is Mack, the real reason you did not tell Nan was not because you were trying to save her from pain. The real reason is that you were afraid of having to deal with the emotions you might encounter, both from her and in yourself. Emotions scare you, Mack. You lied to protect yourself, not her!”
He sat back. ____ was absolutely right.
“And furthermore, such a lie is unloving. In the name of caring about her, your lie became an inhibitor in your relationship with her , and in her relationship with me. If you had told her, maybe she would be here with us right now.”
_____ words hit Mack like a punch in the stomach. “You wanted her to come, too?”
That was your decision and hers, if she had ever been given the chance to make it. The point is, Mack, you don’t know what would have happened because you were so busy protecting Nan.

This brief and maybe confusing, I hope intriguing exchange is from the book The Shack. It came into my life at a time where the questions outweigh any answers and that is becoming comfortably uncomfortable.
The idea of managing others emotions … I thought I was helping….I thought I knew things I didn’t know….and only recently do I, am I beginning to see it for what it is…
I knew lying was an issue for me… but the desire to manage another’s emotions ....just never seemed to be what I was doing and IF I was doing it, it wasn’t bad……yeah denial is not just a river in Egypt ….this exchange spoke to me. So read the book and would love to talk about it and anything and everything. I want to learn to listen and you all here teach me much.

2008-01-04T15:55:00.000-06:00

It was a really amazing holiday break and I am very grateful. The time with my family was irreplaceable….just good quiet time together and incredible fun times. It was my daughters idea to go and spend time with her extended family, she wanted to see the Grandparents. We had pretty much told everyone that due to the new baby, weather and said daughters brief visit we would be absent from any and all extended family get togethers. Not an easy decision but one we were fairly comfortable with ……then said daughter got us to go…..

It was good to see my Mom and Dad and it was good to talk to them and watch them talk to my daughter. We got into a good discussion….well it didn’t start out good due to my hyper – sensitivity….but I watched my husband engage in such a loving and curious way I was really moved.

I got labeled or called out as or…..he called me a fundamentalist evangelical Christian and I hated it…it may be what I am but the way he said it with such vehemence I pushed against it. Truth is I just don’t like labels, I hid behind Catholicism for so long that now I fight any label on what I believe and truth is I may be a ….what he said……but maybe not….why do we label and limit each other?

Luke 4: 1 Jesus, full of the Holy Spirit, returned from the Jordan and was led by the Spirit in the desert,….
2/3 of the Trinity ….all of it…… a fully supportive and encouraging community without limiting each other…..what if I believed that as a follower of Christ I had the luxury of that same community…as forgiven by Christ they allow me access to that love……and in that love I truly loved and supported others without limiting them, becoming hyper- sensitive….. although I must admit being called an anti semite really bothered me.....labels, I guess they bother me too.

If you are so inclined….read the book, The Shack by William P. Young……would love to hear your thoughts.

John 9-11

2007-12-21T08:56:00.000-06:00

Don't remember where I found *this sometime ago but it has always just touched something deep inside me . I guess the pride against being just a 'sheep'....and now ...well now I count myself lucky to be one.

John 10:2-5;11 2 The man who enters by the gate is the shepherd of his sheep. 3The watchman opens the gate for him, and the sheep listen to his voice. He calls his own sheep by name and leads them out. 4 When he has brought out all his own, he goes on ahead of them, and his sheep follow him because they know his voice. 5 But they will never follow a stranger; in fact, they will run away from him because they do not recognize a strangers voice……"I am the good shepherd. The good shepherd lays down his life for the sheep.
*There are a lot of places in Scripture where the Lord compares us with sheep. Sometimes it seems to be His favorite symbol for us. For shepherds, or for a person who is familiar with these animals, this is a very strange but interesting symbol.
Sheep are extremely simple and stupid animals. If a person leaves a sheep in a place, with plenty of grass to eat, the sheep will eat all the grass and stay there in the same place until the person comes back and takes it to another place with more grass. The sheep is actually too stupid to look for it’s own food. Even if there’s more grass close by, it will die of hunger if nobody takes it to more food.
Sheep get lost very easily. They need somebody to care for them constantly or they will get lost and die.
Often, shepherds put different flocks in the same pen for the night. It sounds impossible, but during the night, these different groups of sheep don’t mingle. When morning comes, the various flocks are still separate.
Also during the night, the shepherd sleeps laying across the gate of the pen in order to protect his sheep. No animal can attack the sheep without passing over the shepherd.
Something else that is interesting is that when the shepherd arrives and calls his sheep in the morning, only the sheep of his flock will come to him, because they recognize his voice. Incredibly, all the sheep recognize the voice of their shepherd, and even though they don’t know where they’re going, they follow him.
So what does God want to tell us with this comparison. He calls us sheep many times. That tells me that even though we think of ourselves as being intelligent, responsible and having a lot of wisdom and understanding, we are really ignorant and stupid before the eyes of the Lord. We don’t even know which food will nourish us, much less how to find it. God, our shepherd, has to guide us to our spiritual food. We get lost very easily and we can’t find our way back alone. God is always the one who looks for us and guides us.
This analogy also shows that God loves us intimately. A shepherd must care for his sheep 24 hours a day and he can never rest without taking the risk of losing some. God cares for us in the same way. He is always caring for us and protecting us from spiritual and physical dangers. He sleeps across the gate to protect us from wolves. He calls us to follow Him, and recognize His voice and we follow Him. For Christians indwelt with the Holy Spirit, it is easy to distinguish the Lord’s voice from other false voices.
For the man who knows sheep this comparison Jesus made is very revealing of our own character and of the character and personality of God. God is teaching us that He loves us and He cares for us as a shepherd does for his sheep and that we can’t survive without Him. Be the sheep……He loves you and cares for you more than anyone
Can't imagine being on here much for the next couple of weeks so wanted to take this opportunity to wish you a very Merry Christmas, one filled with moments of seeing His blessings in YOUR lives however they come. And praying for all to in 2008 follow Him with all the love He gives. Thanks for all you have taught me and continue to teach me in your journeys and I thank God for allowing us to find each other here. In Christ and journeying to follow Him with you...becky

John 8-9

2007-12-20T08:53:00.000-06:00

*It takes strength to be firm, It takes courage to be gentle. *It takes strength to conquer, It takes courage to surrender. *It takes strength to be certain, It takes courage to have doubt.*It takes strength to fit in,It takes courage to stand out. *It takes strength to feel a friend's pain, It takes courage to feel your own pain. *It takes strength to endure abuse, It takes courage to stop it.* It takes strength to stand alone, It takes courage to lean on another. *It takes strength to love, It takes courage to be loved. *It takes strength to survive, It takes courage to live.
Author Unknown Barbara posted this.
BTW I am so excited I get to meet her in February!!!!

This was good to read, one of those moments where you are so glad that someone knows how to put your feelings into words. Thanks B for being a blogging friend who constantly encourages and challenges me.

John 8: 12 When Jesus spoke again to the people, he said, "I am the light of the world. Whoever follows me will never walk in darkness, but will have the light of life."12 When Jesus spoke again to the people, he said, "I am the light of the world. Whoever follows me will never walk in darkness, but will have the light of life."

John 5-6

2007-12-19T09:25:00.000-06:00

There is a piece of me that longs for perfection. In recognizing my lack of perfection I settle into self contempt, seeing nothing but my incapabilities, my failings, my lack of…….in self contempt sometimes I see Christ and what He desires to do in me, but mostly I see what I am not. So when seeing what I am not takes me to a dependence on Christ, well that’s good….but Gary Thomas wisely says in Sacred Marriage ‘to have contempt for contempt’…I don’t know how to function without first taking on all blame and making every flippin thing about me….So there it is the truth of my sin (surprising me yet again) …..I make everything about me.

Jeff said yesterday “in my humble opinion...what i do is much more important than what i believe.i can believe that electricity lights up my house. but if i do not turn on the switch, i sit in the dark.”

And today Jesus says….. John 5: 1 Some time later, Jesus went up to Jerusalem for a feast of the Jews. 2 Now there is in Jerusalem near the Sheep Gate a pool, which in Aramaic is called Bethesda and which is surrounded by five covered colonnades. 3 Here a great number of disabled people used to lie—the blind, the lame, the paralyzed. 5 One who was there had been an invalid for thirty-eight years. 6 When Jesus saw him lying there and learned that he had been in this condition for a long time, he asked him, "Do you want to get well?"
7 "Sir," the invalid replied, "I have no one to help me into the pool when the water is stirred. While I am trying to get in, someone else goes down ahead of me."
8 Then Jesus said to him, "Get up! Pick up your mat and walk." 9 At once the man was cured; he picked up his mat and walked.
The day on which this took place was a Sabbath, 10 and so the Jews said to the man who had been healed, "It is the Sabbath; the law forbids you to carry your mat."
11 But he replied, "The man who made me well said to me, 'Pick up your mat and walk.' "
12 So they asked him, "Who is this fellow who told you to pick it up and walk?"
13 The man who was healed had no idea who it was, for Jesus had slipped away into the crowd that was there.
14 Later Jesus found him at the temple and said to him, "See, you are well again. Stop sinning or something worse may happen to you." 15 The man went away and told the Jews that it was Jesus who had made him well.

So thanks Jeff gonna walk where He leads....THANKS!

John 2-4

2007-12-18T09:20:00.000-06:00

John 3: 16"For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life. 17For God did not send his Son into the world to condemn the world, but to save the world through him. 18 Whoever believes in him is not condemned, but whoever does not believe stands condemned already because he has not believed in the name of God's one and only Son. 19 This is the verdict: Light has come into the world, but men loved darkness instead of light because their deeds were evil. 20 Everyone who does evil hates the light, and will not come into the light for fear that his deeds will be exposed. 21 But whoever lives by the truth comes into the light, so that it may be seen plainly that what he has done has been done through God."

To live in the believing of this……so confident, so fearful, so convinced, so awed, so....…….a Christmas season of all who believe loving and serving and……because of what we believe……

Hebrews 12-13; Jude

2007-12-14T08:53:00.000-06:00

Hebrews 5-8

2007-12-12T09:09:00.000-06:00

Hebrews 6: 7 Land that drinks in the rain often falling on it and that produces a crop useful to those for whom it is farmed receives the blessing of God. 8 But land that produces thorns and thistles is worthless and is in danger of being cursed. In the end it will be burned.
9 Even though we speak like this, dear friends, we are confident of better things in your case—things that accompany salvation. 10 God is not unjust; he will not forget your work and the love you have shown him as you have helped his people and continue to help them. 11We want each of you to show this same diligence to the very end, in order to make your hope sure. 12 We do not want you to become lazy, but to imitate those who through faith and patience inherit what has been promised.

I am blessed and forget it. In the forgetting I get lost, in the turning back there is so much GRACE. I pray to live in the seeing instead of in the darkness forgetting brings. I pray to see the Hope in every new day.

It’s a girl, her name is Millie Hope and to my kids the *HOPE in the middle, is intentional and meaningful......

*Healing is not the resolution of our past; it is the use of our past to draw us into deeper relationship with God and his purposes for our lives. We don’t have to be held captive by the hurts of our past. We can move from feelings of powerlessness, betrayal, and ambivalence into faith, hope and love. The Healing Path takes us beyond self-discovery to God-discovery, giving us the tools to excavate the riches that lay beneath the surface of our pain. If you’re ready to use the experiences of the past and present to shape a future characterized by love, service, and joy, now is the time to step out onto The Healing Path.
The Healing Path by Dan Allender

2007-12-10T09:05:00.000-06:00

Jesus Creed

check him out.

Baby coming (Yeah)
Ice storm coming (hope after everyone makes it safely to hospital)
I don't have my tree up nor the desire to do it......

Colossians 1-4

2007-12-07T08:32:00.000-06:00

There is much pain surrounding us...within us.....for this reason I for the glory of God and the benefit of others HAVE to focus on Him and His word.....

Colossian 1: 9 For this reason, since the day we heard about you, we have not stopped praying for you and asking God to fill you with the knowledge of his will through all spiritual wisdom and understanding. 10 And we pray this in order that you may live a life worthy of the Lord and may please him in every way: bearing fruit in every good work, growing in the knowledge of God, 11 being strengthened with all power according to his glorious might so that you may have great endurance and patience, and joyfully 12 giving thanks to the Father, who has qualified you to share in the inheritance of the saints in the kingdom of light. 13 For he has rescued us from the dominion of darkness and brought us into the kingdom of the Son he loves, 14 in whom we have redemption, the forgiveness of sins.
Really all of Colossians today got deeply into my heart, sitting in my chair with my husband...not wanting to go into the world.....For Will and Brenda and Don and a myriad of others that He knows even if we don't.

Philippians 1-4

2007-12-06T08:56:00.002-06:00

Philippians 2: 12 Therefore, my dear friends, as you have always obeyed—not only in my presence, but now much more in my absence—continue to work out your salvation with fear and trembling, 13 for it is God who works in you to will and to act according to his good purpose.
Philippians 3: 12 Not that I have already obtained all this, or have already been made perfect, but I press on to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of me. 13 Brothers, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, 14 I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus.
15 All of us who are mature should take such a view of things. And if on some point you think differently, that too God will make clear to you. 16 Only let us live up to what we have already attained.
17 Join with others in following my example, brothers, and take note of those who live according to the pattern we gave you. 18 For, as I have often told you before and now say again even with tears, many live as enemies of the cross of Christ. 19 Their destiny is destruction, their god is their stomach, and their glory is in their shame. Their mind is on earthly things. 20 But our citizenship is in heaven. And we eagerly await a Savior from there, the Lord Jesus Christ, 21 who, by the power that enables him to bring everything under his control, will transform our lowly bodies so that they will be like his glorious body.
Philippians 4: 4 Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice! 5 Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near. 6 Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. 7 And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

Followers of Christ if we were this….would we not be attracting people to Him? And it won’t be because we DO IT but because He does it through us. I don’t remember this but when I do I am softer, less demanding. I go back to Jeff’s prayer .

Help me to be a man after your own heart.Allow me see life through your eyes today. Please give me ears to hear. Show me where to walk. Right where you would.Teach me the best way to comfort those who are hurting and alone. Direct my attention to the downtrodden, so that I can love them and serve them with abandon.

Remind me today (and every day) that it’s all about Jesus.Simple as that.

Because when I get that, I relax.I’m easier to be around, and I love better.The trivial starts to fade away.I worry less.I obsess less.I complain less.

Help me to be the Church; without judgment, criticism or hypocrisy.Make me more forgiving.More graceful.A better listener.A better friend.Allow my rhythm to be slower; my pace, enviable.Remind me that in your eyes, the playing field is leveled. I’m not the star. I’m only as loved as the next one. But oh, how loved I am. Amen.

The less I know (and believe me I thought I KNEW a whole lot) the more I seek Him….the more I seek Him the more I WANT Him…..and in the wanting Him ….well we’ll see the next time I forget or get scared or just start wanting what I want…….and the thing is His Grace will always be there, He never lets go…….
Psalm 46:10 'be still and know that I AM GOD…..

Ephesians 1-4

2007-12-04T08:47:00.000-06:00

Can’t get past the idea of the wind constantly blowing …..
Jeff’s comment ‘that what is unseen is scary stuff’ ……
hearing ‘be still’……
reading and praying this morning the whole of the Ephesian 1-4 for my blogging buddies…..
wishing we could encourage each other with more than cyber words and then it hits me just how very powerful prayers are …..especially these.

You have impacted my journey deeply and I believe you have impacted others.......

Also....last nite my husband and I watched the movie First Knight and this one scene just really caught me. It is right after Lancelot has run the gauntlet, succeeding where so many before him have failed and King Arthur asks him 'how?'...Lancelot replies that in fear many turn back when perhaps the better thing is to go forward.....I am always about turning back, running away...maybe beginning to learn to 'go forward'...?

2007-12-03T09:05:00.000-06:00

My friends and I live in fear….Last week reading about Peter’s walking on water with Jesus….
Matthew 14: 22 Immediately Jesus made the disciples get into the boat and go on ahead of him to the other side, while he dismissed the crowd. 23 After he had dismissed them, he went up on a mountainside by himself to pray. When evening came, he was there alone, 24 but the boat was already a considerable distance from land, buffeted by the waves because the wind was against it.
25 During the fourth watch of the night Jesus went out to them, walking on the lake. 26 When the disciples saw him walking on the lake, they were terrified. "It's a ghost," they said, and cried out in fear.
27 But Jesus immediately said to them: "Take courage! It is I. Don't be afraid."
28"Lord, if it's you," Peter replied, "tell me to come to you on the water."
29"Come," he said.
Then Peter got down out of the boat, walked on the water and came toward Jesus. 30 But when he saw the wind, he was afraid and, beginning to sink, cried out, "Lord, save me!"
31 Immediately Jesus reached out his hand and caught him. "You of little faith," he said, "why did you doubt?"
32 And when they climbed into the boat, the wind died down. 33 Then those who were in the boat worshiped him, saying, "Truly you are the Son of God."
34 When they had crossed over, they landed at Gennesaret. 35 And when the men of that place recognized Jesus, they sent word to all the surrounding country. People brought all their sick to him 36 and begged him to let the sick just touch the edge of his cloak, and all who touched him were healed.

This is after the miracle of the loaves and fishes…Jesus sends his disciples away and he goes to pray. And on the boat buffeted by the wind he approaches walking on the water and Peter asks to walk to him and he does so until ‘he sees the wind’….

It was always blowing but when his eyes were on Jesus he didn’t see it, he trusted his protection and got out on the water and walked….we are always buffeted by the wind….this world is full of ‘wind’…I doubt it ever stops blowing…..looking to our Jesus we only see Him……I pray for all of us in the wind…

2007-12-03T06:32:00.000-06:00

2007-11-26T09:24:00.000-06:00

There is much in my mind and heart. Much I walk around with and don’t know what to do with and much I want to do this or that with and much that takes me deeper and deeper in and towards following Christ.
I desire to be wise.
I desire to walk with people and share who You are.
I think I am supposed to quietly learn to follow.
So I going to log off for awhile and see how living without spouting off here goes. See if I can learn to just hold You in my heart and walk and talk and live and love focused on You by myself……I blog because I have so many thoughts I want to share but I wonder if I need to keep these thoughts in my heart .

Matthew 5-7

2007-11-20T09:02:00.001-06:00

All I know is it sucks and not in any kind of way I can explain to anyone else and that to me makes it feel like I am some kind of a freak ……
dying to self what a concept?
And yet maybe it’s more than a concept and the sooner I wrap my brain around my incapability to explain or romanticize it the sooner I surrender into it??
And not surrender to it to make my life easier….
see I don’t know.
Jeff this morning writes and sees or I read it like …..

it sucks……
but oh how amazing is His grace and I want more and more of that……..

and the whole of Matthew today.......
He knows us so well and IF I would just trust THAT knowing and quit needing to KNOW anything else.

2 Corinthians 3 – 6

2007-11-16T08:11:00.001-06:00

If Yours weren’t NEW every morning, I would be stuck MORE than I already find myself. Stuck without seeing that needing keeps me from giving, feeling let down from seeing how many I let down, feeling bound and not living in the freedom I have.....Going to revisit Jeff’s prayer…..

God, I have trouble focusing. My head is all scrambled.It is because of this that I write. Somehow, here, I am at peace. Some window is opened, and words are released. I can concentrate. So, I offer these words as a prayer:

Help me to be a man (woman) after your own heart. Allow me to see life through your eyes today. Please give me ears to hear. Show me where to walk. Right where you would. Teach me the best way to comfort those who are hurting and alone. Direct my attention to the downtrodden, so that I can love them and serve them with abandon. Remind me today (and every day) that it’s all about Jesus. Simple as that.

Because when I get that, I relax. I’m easier to be around, and I love better.The trivial starts to fade away. I worry less. I obsess less. I complain less. Help me to be the Church; without judgment, criticism or hypocrisy. Make me more forgiving. More graceful. A better listener. A better friend. Allow my rhythm to be slower; my pace, enviable. Remind me that in your eyes, the playing field is leveled. I’m not the star. I’m only as loved as the next one. But oh, how loved I am. Amen

2 Corinthians 3 :1 Are we beginning to commend ourselves again? Or do we need, like some people, letters of recommendation to you or from you? 2 You yourselves are our letter, written on our hearts, known and read by everybody. 3 You show that you are a letter from Christ, the result of our ministry, written not with ink but with the Spirit of the living God, not on tablets of stone but on tablets of human hearts.
4 Such confidence as this is ours through Christ before God. 5Not that we are competent in ourselves to claim anything for ourselves, but our competence comes from God. 6He has made us competent as ministers of a new covenant—not of the letter but of the Spirit; for the letter kills, but the Spirit gives life.

16 But whenever anyone turns to the Lord, the veil is taken away. 17Now the Lord is the Spirit, and where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom. 18And we, who with unveiled faces all reflect the Lord's glory, are being transformed into his likeness with ever-increasing glory, which comes from the Lord, who is the Spirit.
2 Corinthians 4: 16 Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. 17 For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. 18 So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.
There’s much more in here for me today and I would imagine any of us who walk the tightrope of living a life of faith….so today I am going to pray to be centered in You and in experiencing that centeredness that surrender remember...….and believe that what You say is true.

Job 41 & 42; 2 Corinthians 1 & 2

2007-11-15T09:16:00.000-06:00

To be or not to be THAT is the question.

Shakespeare was so right and funnier than I ever thought. Ok maybe not HA HA funny ….but in a ‘damn he knew what he was talking about ‘…funny. Do we be who YOU made us to be or do we constantly strive to BE who we think YOU want us to be? The loving part, how do we do that when all we want IS love? The extending GRACE part when we live NEEDING it?

I know the answer is as conduits to...of the love and grace YOU offer, receiving all the time THAT which is just showered on and over us ridiculously. But you know what……that’s just HARD…understatement of the year right? And YOU never promised us easy…….so to not succumb to all that I WANT to do and just trust that IF I live listening to and seeking YOU…..You’ll guide us in and through to where YOU want us…
Job endured all he endured pre Saviour Christ. He experienced God in ways I’m not sure I would even desire to and God well... God is God and we need to become more than OK with that. Job did.

The God of All Comfort
3 Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, 4 who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God. 5 For just as the sufferings of Christ flow over into our lives, so also through Christ our comfort overflows. 6 If we are distressed, it is for your comfort and salvation; if we are comforted, it is for your comfort, which produces in you patient endurance of the same sufferings we suffer. 7 And our hope for you is firm, because we know that just as you share in our sufferings, so also you share in our comfort.
8 We do not want you to be uninformed, brothers, about the hardships we suffered in the province of Asia. We were under great pressure, far beyond our ability to endure, so that we despaired even of life. 9 Indeed, in our hearts we felt the sentence of death. But this happened that we might not rely on ourselves but on God, who raises the dead. 10 He has delivered us from such a deadly peril, and he will deliver us. On him we have set our hope that he will continue to deliver us, 11 as you help us by your prayers. Then many will give thanks on our behalf for the gracious favor granted us in answer to the prayers of many.

Psalm 149; 1 Corinthians 15 & 16

2007-11-14T08:47:00.001-06:00

1 Corinthians 15: 58 Therefore, my dear brothers, stand firm. Let nothing move you. Always give yourselves fully to the work of the Lord, because you know that your labor in the Lord is not in vain.
1 Corinthians 16: 13 Be on your guard; stand firm in the faith; be men of courage; be strong. 14 Do everything in love.

Standing firm….even when the tightrope is shaking unbelievably….trusting that one small step in His direction is better than running back and starting all over again….trusting that I can always run back and start over especially if my balance was wrong to start…..

Job 39 & 40; 1 Corinthians 13 & 14

2007-11-13T08:42:00.000-06:00

Job 14: 3 Then Job answered the LORD :
4 "I am unworthy—how can I reply to you?

I put my hand over my mouth.
5 I spoke once, but I have no answer—

twice, but I will say no more."

Job who begged for an audience with God, who claimed pure conscience and motives.

1 Corinthians 14: 1 Follow the way of love and eagerly desire spiritual gifts, especially the gift of prophecy. 2 For anyone who speaks in a tongue does not speak to men but to God. Indeed, no one understands him; he utters mysteries with his spirit 3 But everyone who prophesies speaks to men for their strengthening, encouragement and comfort.
last Thursday…… to validate without needing validation

to encourage without needing encouragement

to love without needing love

I am not saying I have any kind of giftedness in prophecy, heck I don’t even understand it and yet this combined with todays reading....……a tight rope, always a tightrope....

from google images

And you know what in this picture when you fall it's into a pool of falls my first vision of GRACE so to keep walking is the challenge and not be afraid of falling.......

Job 37 & 38; 1 Corinthians 12

2007-11-12T09:13:00.000-06:00

I want so badly to FIX stuff for people. I don’t think it’s that I want to fix people any longer but IF there is something I can DO for them to fix……..I say pointing people to God is enough but still and all I get in the way instead of just listening and BEING with them in their crap I want to FIX it. I don’t know that this is a bad thing but definitely something I am looking at……WHY do I think I can fix stuff? Do I want to fix stuff for them or because it makes me feel better?

A life in Christ is about thinking about stuff that I never gave any thought to before. A life in Christ is about in the looking listening and learning and perhaps choosing differently. A life in Christ is about being human…..and….and what? A life in Christ is about walking a tight rope all the time, a tension tight rope and remembering that it’s not in the middle where I am to live but in the seeking to get to the other side.

Job 37: 5 God's voice thunders in marvelous ways; he does great things beyond our understanding.
1 Corinthians 12: 14 Now the body is not made up of one part but of many. 15 If the foot should say, "Because I am not a hand, I do not belong to the body," it would not for that reason cease to be part of the body. 16 And if the ear should say, "Because I am not an eye, I do not belong to the body," it would not for that reason cease to be part of the body. 17 If the whole body were an eye, where would the sense of hearing be? If the whole body were an ear, where would the sense of smell be? 18 But in fact God has arranged the parts in the body, every one of them, just as he wanted them to be. 19 If they were all one part, where would the body be? 20 As it is, there are many parts, but one body. 21 The eye cannot say to the hand, "I don't need you!" And the head cannot say to the feet, "I don't need you!" 22 On the contrary, those parts of the body that seem to be weaker are indispensable, 23 and the parts that we think are less honorable we treat with special honor. And the parts that are unpresentable are treated with special modesty, 24 while our presentable parts need no special treatment. But God has combined the members of the body and has given greater honor to the parts that lacked it, 25 so that there should be no division in the body, but that its parts should have equal concern for each other. 26 If one part suffers, every part suffers with it; if one part is honored, every part rejoices with it. 27 Now you are the body of Christ, and each one of you is a part of it.

Job 34; 1 Corinthians 4-6

2007-11-09T09:18:00.000-06:00

Paul writes so authoritatively in the book of Corinthians. So passionately about stuff that is so hard to hear. What to do with it now?

1 Corinthians 4: 12 We work hard with our own hands. When we are cursed, we bless; when we are persecuted, we endure it; 13 when we are slandered, we answer kindly. Up to this moment we have become the scum of the earth, the refuse of the world.
To as a believer, follower of Christ be subjected to such…. are there those now who are? Is that what keeps me from wanting what YOU want more than anything. That whole wanting to be ‘well thought of’ by people instead of focusing totally and compeletly on you? To be thought of as the refuse of the world, well I wouldn’t allow that would I? .... that I won’t keeps me from fully and completely following You? Would it, does it happen now? Are any of us so sold out for Jesus as to be counted here? What’s changed?
1 Corinthians 6: 6 But instead, one brother goes to law against another—and this in front of unbelievers! 7 The very fact that you have lawsuits among you means you have been completely defeated already. Why not rather be wronged? Why not rather be cheated? 8Instead, you yourselves cheat and do wrong, and you do this to your brothers.

Lawyers are a part of life, why not rather be wronged….would I allow that? Now I have never yet had occasion to hire a lawyer but would I?

It is just all so hard to hear and what to do with the hearing of it and not my place to tell anyone else but for me should the occasion arise would I simply NOT hire a lawyer and allow myself to be wronged??

But we never have clear consciences…Paul claims as did Job to be clear of conscience, telling me they are closer to God than I can ever hope to be or that in coming close to God, seeking to follow Christ we become more in touch with our inner selves and that ‘in touch’ we come closer to having that clear conscience?
To want what God wants more than anything…….that this is so tough to read and apply to my life means I still want what I want and yet desiring to apply it will bring me more in touch with choosing, knowing everything is a choice and choosing counterintuitively?

Job 33; 1 Corinthians 1-3

2007-11-08T08:50:00.000-06:00

to validate without needing validation
to encourage without needing encouragement
to love without needing love

I literally heard this yesterday or a variance of it as I was feeling sorry for myself needing validation, encouragement and love.

Learning and yearning to know what a life of service is like, for me this is a piece of it and maybe the whole thing.

The readings today speaks volumes and yet not what I want to hear, not what I can fully understand. But the understanding I do have, receive... this morning drives me to tears and further on. When really, to run away FEELS best. So my prayer today is for us who believe, who hear, who seek.... to be driven further on trusting Him and only Him.

1 Cor. 2: 12 We have not received the spirit of the world but the Spirit who is from God, that we may understand what God has freely given us.

2007-11-07T14:02:00.000-06:00

She lives so far away. We had a great time.

Psalm 121; Mark 9 & 10

2007-11-01T09:00:00.000-05:00

Leaving for Los Angeles this afternoon, to see my daughter. Excited and at the same time hating to leave the familiar, the love that surrounds me here. Sat with a bunch of women this morning and talked about what Christ is to us. I of course get all passionate and probly as per usual steam roll a particular woman whom I love but don’t show in the ways she receives.

I wonder how many times that happens?

I get all wrapped up in me and forget them? More times than I care to admit and yet IF I don’t continue to look at the way I LOVE I am not listening to Him. Funny (not really) I spend so much of my time worrying about being loved and then this slight inclination to His way and I more than ever before worry about loving…..
Mark 10: 21 Jesus looked him hard in the eye—and loved him! He said, "There's one thing left: Go sell whatever you own and give it to the poor. All your wealth will then be heavenly wealth. And come follow me."
22The man's face clouded over. This was the last thing he expected to hear, and he walked off with a heavy heart. He was holding on tight to a lot of things, and not about to let go.

He knows our hearts, what that last thing is we expect to hear. He loves us and calls us to Himself.

This song, I woke up to it this morning, it's on my mind.....go and have a listen and here are the lyrics:

Have you ever heard a love song, That set your spirit free?

Have you ever watched a sunrise, And felt you could not breathe?

What if it's Him? What if it's God speaking?

Have you ever cried a tear that You could not explain?

Have you ever met a stranger Who already knew your name?

What if it's Him? What if it's God speaking?

Who knows how He'll get ahold of us? Get our attention to prove He is enough.

He'll do, and He'll use whatever He wants to.

To tell us, I Love You.

Have you ever lost a loved one Who you thought should still be here?

Do you know what it feels like to be tangled up in fear?

What if He's somehow involved? What if He's speaking through it all?

Who knows how He'll get ahold of us? Get our attention to prove he is enough.

He'll do and He'll use whatever He wants to To tell us, I love you.

His ways are higher yeah His ways are better and though sometimes strange.... What could be stranger than God in a manger?

ooh yeah yeah yeahhh Who knows how He'll get ahold of us?

Get our attention to prove He is enough. Who knows how He'll get ahold of you?

Get your attention to prove he is enough. He'll do and He'll use whatever He wants to,

To tell us I love you God is speaking, I love you ohhh yeahh

God Speaking Ronnie Freeman

Job 22; Mark 7 & 8

2007-10-31T08:39:00.000-05:00

I asked rhetorical questions yesterday and was asked back my answer to them. What does following Christ look like to me, what does living and breathing Jesus look like to me?
It’s about waking up in the morning with a song literally in my heart, one that points me to a day of living in a knowledge of Him that is relatively new to me and if not new then so old as to have been ignored.
It’s about seeing my heart as disobedient and yet feeling this pull always to learn what obedience is.
It’s about in that obedience finding out it’s about loving when I would rather self protect and while I usually still self protect , quickly feeling the sting of what that does to me and in the situation I have chosen to self protect in.
It’s about more and more realizing how wrong I am and accepting GRACE in that realization and in that GRACE weird as it is moving forward when my instinct is to retreat and ….
It’s about seeing all this and in the seeing realizing that it’s Him and has been Him forever and will continue to be Him….and maybe someday when I least expect it I will trust Him and ……….

Mark 8: 11 The Pharisees came and began to question Jesus. To test him, they asked him for a sign from heaven. 12 He sighed deeply and said, "Why does this generation ask for a miraculous sign? I tell you the truth, no sign will be given to it." 13 Then he left them, got back into the boat and crossed to the other side.

I am a Pharisee, I know it the truth/Him and trust it the truth/Him very little. I know who He is and trust Him like someone who doesn’t…….Please I don’t want to remain a Pharisee.

Job 21: Mark 5 & 6

2007-10-30T09:30:00.000-05:00

I had breakfast with a gal this morning who comes from a pretty I am thinking charismatic church experience. She has amazing insight and wisdom and a soft seeking heart or so it seems to me.( I gauge this as we are able to talk about anything and often do so with tears in our eyes. I'm not saying that is a correct guage to use, what is a soft heart to you?)
We talked about a lot of stuff and came back always to a sense of not knowing anything for sure anymore save for Jesus died for us.
She referenced at the height of her devotion how she downsized her job, was driving a hundred miles to do prison ministry and did a lot of other stuff that sounded pretty remarkable.
But when her church split she stopped..... and her daughter remembered this period of time as ‘not fun’.
She referred to that period of time as living and breathing for Jesus. ....
It seemed to me and I mentioned to her that IF she stopped at the time of the church split, it wasn’t about Jesus....?....
Making me ask this morning what does living and breathing for Jesus look like?
Are we, as fallen and self protective people even able to? consistently?
And IF we could what would it look like?
I wonder if we in our self protective methods of operations still just have hard hearts??
I wonder how long it takes to completely soften / transform and I guess maybe not this side of heaven????....
But we recognize the hardening quicker and turn back sooner……???
image from www.harbenpictures
Jesus Walks on the Water
45 Immediately Jesus made his disciples get into the boat and go on ahead of him to Bethsaida, while he dismissed the crowd. 46 After leaving them, he went up on a mountainside to pray.
47When evening came, the boat was in the middle of the lake, and he was alone on land. 48 He saw the disciples straining at the oars, because the wind was against them. About the fourth watch of the night he went out to them, walking on the lake. He was about to pass by them, 49 but when they saw him walking on the lake, they thought he was a ghost. They cried out, 50 because they all saw him and were terrified.
Immediately he spoke to them and said, "Take courage! It is I. Don't be afraid." 51 Then he climbed into the boat with them, and the wind died down. They were completely amazed, 52 for they had not understood about the loaves; their hearts were hardened.

2007-10-29T11:23:00.000-05:00

..."ok God, you do what only you can do and I commit to doing my part...whatever that is...I want to do it"..... from http://evidence-of-grace.blogspot.com/

This was a weekend full up with blessings and service. I was going to say service first and tell how my back hurt but it was more about the blessings than being about service..I think….
Friday we prepared breakfast for Saturday and attempted to cut 1000 apples for Sunday. Saturday we went to a small church in Kansas City, Kansas an all black church and served them breakfast and they blessed us with being able to worship with them. I have never been a part of anything so all out spiritual…..they worship with voices and body and words and music and there were no inhibitions no caring what the person next to them was doing. They ‘praise Jesus’ whenever it hits them. There is no polite applause after listening there is praising God while listening. It was so foreign to me and in my head there was much confusion and then all of a sudden there were these tears and I didn’t know what to do with them. Was it the spirit of God JUST in this little building or was it my surrender to the God who is always here?

I sometimes feel so lonely in the midst of the biggest crowd. To believe in something so huge…..to desire to live so differently….to fail so repeatedly…..and yet to preservere……

Job 17; Acts 24-26

2007-10-26T06:01:00.000-05:00

Acts 26: 19"So then, King Agrippa, I was not disobedient to the vision from heaven. 20First to those in Damascus, then to those in Jerusalem and in all Judea, and to the Gentiles also, I preached that they should repent and turn to God and prove their repentance by their deeds. 21That is why the Jews seized me in the temple courts and tried to kill me. 22But I have had God's help to this very day, and so I stand here and testify to small and great alike. I am saying nothing beyond what the prophets and Moses said would happen— 23that the Christ would suffer and, as the first to rise from the dead, would proclaim light to his own people and to the Gentiles."
24 At this point Festus interrupted Paul's defense. "You are out of your mind, Paul!" he shouted. "Your great learning is driving you insane."

I remember apologizing for my new found passion which came across as condesending and I imagine even a bit mean (I am even more sorry as I write this for that inability to process something so life changing as anything but softening.BUT I had no desire then to BE soft. I wanted to be commended and well thought of) to my Dad and his looking at me and asking me if I were perhaps
'insane'.
Don't know why I relate this story other than every time I read this passage I get a strange kind of comfort.

I may move this to my side bar I like it so well....the Bible as scandalous....

“Only by giving the Bible a devotional spin when we read it, by taking isolated verses out of context and ignoring the raw whole, by filtering and interpreting, do we “civilize” it. Civilized, the Bible has become a devotional prop of middle class values instead of being the rude challenge to false propriety it actually is. The Bible is a dangerous, uncivilized, abrasive, raw, complicated, aggressive, scandalous, and offensive book.
“The Bible is the literature of God, and literature, as every book burner knows, is dangerous. The Bible is the drama of God; it is God’s Hamlet, Canterburty Tales, and Wuthering Heights. The Bible is, among other things, about God, men, women, sex, lies, truth, sin, goodness, fornication, adultery, murder, childbearing, virgins, whores, blasphemy, prayer, wine, food, history, nature, poetry, rape, love, salvation, damnation, temptation, and angels. Today the Bible is widely studied but rarely read. If the Bible were a film, it would be R-rated in some parts, X-rated in others. The Bible is not middle-class. The Bible is not “nice.” The Bible’s tone is closer to that of the late Lenny Bruce than to that of the hushed piety of some ministers.
“In some centuries, the church did not allow the common people to read the Bible. Now by spiritualizing it and taming it through devotional and tehological interpretations, the church once again muzzles the book in a “damage control” excercise. We now study the Bible, but through a filter of piety that castrates its virility.” Franky Schaeffer
—from googleimages.com

Job 16; Acts 21 - 23

2007-10-25T09:08:00.001-05:00

Worship

Main Entry:
1 wor·ship
Pronunciation:
\ˈwər-shəp also ˈwȯr-\
Function:
noun
Etymology:
Middle English worshipe worthiness, respect, reverence paid to a divine being, from Old English weorthscipe worthiness, respect, from weorth worthy, worth + -scipe -ship
Date:
before 12th century
1chiefly British : a person of importance —used as a title for various officials (as magistrates and some mayors)2: reverence offered a divine being or supernatural power; also : an act of expressing such reverence3: a form of religious practice with its creed and ritual4: extravagant respect or admiration for or devotion to an object of esteem

Just something I am thinking about. When I worship, is it because of what He’s done or because of who He is? What or how would I change IF it was simply because of who He is?

So Job and Paul……worship for who You are or what You did?

I gotta believe in the midst of such stuff as I can only imagine it was for who they KNEW YOU TO BE……

The tension of how to praise and worship You and not be thought of …….dang…WHY do I continue to care what others think……tension….

Job 15; Acts 19 & 20

2007-10-24T09:17:00.000-05:00

A group of 11 from my church and 17 from 2 other churches are flying right now to South Africa, specifically to land eventually in the village of Bhukwini. I would ask your prayers for them and the organization being developed to help the villagers through an entire strategy and all the organizations out there that do much MORE than talk about things. I hope and pray that is a place God is taking me and somedays I actually believe that the lethargy with which I have experienced or approached things/situations in the past is being replaced by a ‘call ‘ to action. I wonder if the lethargy simply and completely masked a jealousy of those who move….Until then though I do pray for all those who answer higher callings and DO amazing things to advance causes or get right down in the trenches and help people. It is daunting to think about and yet inexcusable for me now to NOT think about it. Go here again today or explore the links at Lubabalo or go to...(I could list off pages of organizations looking for volunteers or financial help) and see what what you can do NOW.

Acts 20: 19 I served the Lord with great humility and with tears, although I was severely tested by the plots of the Jews. 20 You know that I have not hesitated to preach anything that would be helpful to you but have taught you publicly and from house to house. 21 I have declared to both Jews and Greeks that they must turn to God in repentance and have faith in our Lord Jesus.
22 "And now, compelled by the Spirit, I am going to Jerusalem, not knowing what will happen to me there. 23 I only know that in every city the Holy Spirit warns me that prison and hardships are facing me. 24 However, I consider my life worth nothing to me, if only I may finish the race and complete the task the Lord Jesus has given me—the task of testifying to the gospel of God's grace.

I don’t have a clue about that kind of life. But then look at Paul, until God struck him blind did he? A life saved from where we stubbornly head by a God who sees ahead of us. A life lived in gratitude for that saving and in the gratitude grows a love that we never knew. He is ahead and behind and I pray for the wisdom, the perserverance, the obedience to complete the task He has given me…testifying to the gospel of God’s grace. I wonder if it is really that simple?

Job 13 & 14; Acts 17& 18

2007-10-23T08:51:00.000-05:00

Ranted yesterday about the Bible….hey it’s my blog I can rant if I want to right?? Don’t have any kind of balance at relating how I feel about something , without waiting to say something until I bust, like a volcano or blow everyone over with my emotions like an open fire hose. The passion that rises up in me scares me the wake it has left / leaves, and that’s passion which is from Him....what about the hard hearted and unaware wake I leave?? (ouch)

Ouch…..Acts 17: 21 (All the Athenians and the foreigners who lived there spent their time doing nothing but talking about and listening to the latest ideas.) Here's someone with a place / ideas...to maybe do more than ...nothing...

And the whole following passage……Acts 17:22 Paul then stood up in the meeting of the Areopagus and said: "Men of Athens! I see that in every way you are very religious. 23 For as I walked around and looked carefully at your objects of worship, I even found an altar with this inscription: TO AN UNKNOWN GOD. Now what you worship as something unknown I am going to proclaim to you.
24"The God who made the world and everything in it is the Lord of heaven and earth and does not live in temples built by hands. 25 And he is not served by human hands, as if he needed anything, because he himself gives all men life and breath and everything else. 26 From one man he made every nation of men, that they should inhabit the whole earth; and he determined the times set for them and the exact places where they should live. 27 God did this so that men would seek him and perhaps reach out for him and find him, though he is not far from each one of us. 28 'For in him we live and move and have our being.' As some of your own poets have said, 'We are his offspring.'
29"Therefore since we are God's offspring, we should not think that the divine being is like gold or silver or stone—an image made by man's design and skill. 30 In the past God overlooked such ignorance, but now he commands all people everywhere to repent. 31 For he has set a day when he will judge the world with justice by the man he has appointed. He has given proof of this to all men by raising him from the dead."
32 When they heard about the resurrection of the dead, some of them sneered, but others said, "We want to hear you again on this subject." 33 At that, Paul left the Council. 34 A few men became followers of Paul and believed. Among them was Dionysius, a member of the Areopagus, also a woman named Damaris, and a number of others.

It’s about a journey, a learning to seek outside of ourselves while taking an internal look that, without Christ scares the hell out of you or completely defeats you. What does that first step look like for people?? For me it was realizing the religion I had wasn't filling the hole....taking what I learned in and from the religion....recognizing that there was a hole and how I sought to fill it and looking deeper and further from what I knew into .....a whole lot of stuff I didn't know, admitting I didn't know and quieting everything that came up in me with that admission....wanting to hear more on the subject...and then....well....

It’s about we who know, have found, have been found living in the security of that and growing there becoming more and more outer focused and loving…less self protective and confident in Him who protects us …..it’s about a journey and keeping the end in mind choosing every moment to believe in that which is pretty unbelievable. That He could love us THAT much.

A good friend just emailed me : Becky, How do you know God loves you? Do you experience it or just believe it?

I started about 6-7 years ago wanting an 'experience' like my friend Mardy who said she 'actually felt Jesus arms wrapped around her'…so I started like I said about 5-7 years ago maybe wanting to be held in His lap....It never happened….but in seeking that I got to the place where I KNEW/KNOW He loved me

When Dara was almost hospitalized w/depression, I was told I couldn't give away what I didn't have…….I wanted it for her and IF I had to have it first then……

I don't know / remember if they were at the same time or which came first but in those experiences a seeking heart was born and I really believe a seeking heart HE NEVER DENIES….

Does that answer your question….and THANK YOU for the blessing of being asked and having to TRY to put it into words…..

2007-10-22T12:40:00.000-05:00

Dan’s brother is out of the hospital (and doing well btw) and Dan is driving at this moment to spend some time with him in Colorado…I am praying that Dan in these 11 hours in the car is just with God and that from that time spent he just IS with Tim. There are things I so wish I could express and that I can’t frustrates me and then I have to be careful that THAT very frustration doesn’t grow into a full blown FIT. This week in prayer, I was mostly hard hearted…..I know because of how it broke Sunday morning….I wish I knew when it was hardening or knew what to do or did what I am supposed to do to stay soft and….but I didn’t or don’t or won’t….. Wanting what I want over and over and……it becomes so strong and yet I don’t realize that (??) and even in prayer I am demanding God to do what I want and forgetting to TRUST what He wants….I don’t do that naturally, TRUST…..I think I yearn to naturally, but what I do is demand .

Hybels confesses:
We made a mistake. What we should have done when people crossed the line of faith and become Christians, we should have started telling people and teaching people that they have to take responsibility to become ‘self feeders.’ We should have gotten people, taught people, how to read their bible between service, how to do the spiritual practices much more aggressively on their own.

This just grows my respect for Bill Hybles, which was already there. His vision and passion for lost people is what directed / inspired Roy Moran and his wife Candy to create Shoal Creek where I found, was led to, had revealed to me…I don’t know how to describe undertaking a journey of epic proportions and a relationship with Jesus, before unknown to me. It came and grew because they followed, Roy led….. where Wayne Cordeiro was also leading, creating a reading plan that allowed us to read the bible together and taught us to journal through our thoughts ….I love the Bible and say that reading it has changed my heart in ways I’m not even yet in touch with. The Bible is for all practical purposes to my mind is the only way we have now to know who God is. I know we as believers and followers of Christ have the Holy Spirit and I am coming to love and trust that voice in me but not always. I am first and foremost about me and that THAT is forgiven staggers me most days, but the thing is most days I am not looking at and seeing that penchant for what it is and accepting that forgiveness….

I love that even hard hearted He spoke to me and it broke my heart and in that breaking there is ever more desire to be in the Bible. One of the biggest blessing in my life is that I share this love and desire with my husband…..we don’t always get the same thingswe don’t always get to share what we do get, what we are wrestling with…but that we have this between us has grown our love for each other and others and leading us to the ‘all others’ piece…..I really believe that.

So I will continue to read and share what touches me here and pray for more and more to fall deeply in love with this book… Because I believe that the more people fall in love with it, what it says, the more it transforms us and the more we are transformed the more He can do in and through us because the transformation is nothing but LOVE….

2007-10-15T08:44:00.000-05:00

This weekend as my BIL experienced emergency brain surgery I found myself preaching a patience in the waiting...
In having another SIL and her husband, both mentally challenged here as we waited to hear and trying our best to serve them in the waiting…to model to them praying instead of worrying...to help them understand……..to love them and celebrate them when we pretty were impatiently wanting the weekend to ourselves…..
In not being close enough to KNOW everything that was going on…and not obedient enough to do what we could do…..and looking at myself instead of preaching it to others, I see over and over THAT very impatience. So I am going to spend a week in prayer…in listening……in Thanking Him instead of badgering Him…at least that is my intent. It’s hard to wait……..it’s hard to humble myself to simply and completely waiting….to listening.

Nehemiah 7-8; Acts 1

2007-10-12T08:29:00.000-05:00

Acts 1: 24 Then they prayed, "Lord, you know everyone's heart........"